Old- Fashion Phased Out? A List of Things Women Don’t Do Anymore …

Good day, my fellow bloggers! Welcome to another Thursday eve. The topic of discussion today is old-school versus new school. For the people who are grown today, the days of answering machines and busy signals were real. There was no TV in every room, there wasn’t a plethora of entertainment devices to choose from to kill some time and, in this day and age, too much time! Long gone are the days where you have to wait for anything but is that good or bad? We’re in paradoxical times because there are some of us who are fine with ditching old-school or old-fashioned practices while others are nostalgic for the “good-old-days” when things weren’t so complicated and convoluted with other forces. It goes without saying that this translates to romance, dating and marriage too! So, many want to know, how do we bridge the gap? Can two people come together and find a happy medium between new and old? Last week we got the ladies opinion and, as promised, this week we asked some of our male readers what women of this generation don’t do that they used to do back in the day and how times have changed! Take a look! And by the way I don't mind the cater to you attitude as long as he is going what he needs to be doing. But enough about me. ;-)

Women don’t cook anymore man! What’s good with that? My sisters and aunties always have baked goods on deck — cookies, cupcakes, cakes and pies for me and brothers. If they know we’re coming over they’re like, “what you want to eat?” When I was growing up, all the women in my family cooked. The men would watch sports and do yard work and handy work and sh*t but women these days want you to do it all. This one chick asked me “when are you going to cook for me?” Which I don’t mind doing but I hadn’t even taken her out yet! That’s what she wanted me to do for her off rip. Man, I was like, “do you cook?” and she said no! What are women teaching their little girls these days? It’s definitely not how to keep a man. – Steve, 33

Women don’t behave like ladies anymore. When I go out I see woman loud-talking, cussing, shaking their as*es , FIGHTING each other! No man wants a woman that keeps drama around her or invites it into her life by way of her attitude or by the way she carries herself. Being with a woman should be enjoyable, fun, fulfilling. A good woman will teach a man something — whether it’s about himself, love or life in general. I’m so glad I don’t have to worry about that anymore, dating seems like a dead end street. I love my wife. - Kevin, 36

They don’t give you anything to look forward to. They’re too quick to give up all the goods. You’d be amazed at how fast women get down these days. It don’t take much work or effort. Here’s what kills me too, they like to get f*cked. They’re not into romance and taking things slow, they want to get pounded. It’s just too easy! Being easy to get into bed is only sexy for the moment, you know? I would say that, in this day and age, if a man takes his time to have sex with a woman, he’s probably really feeling her. - Melvin, 31

Well, from what I see women don’t know how to take care of a man. My mother still cooks, fixes my father’s plate and gives him back rubs. My mother knows her role as the woman of the house and my father is the man, there was never any confusion about it. Women are so hellbent on being this independent “I can do it myself” kind of woman but sometimes a man wants to be that guy you call to the rescue? He wants to be you’re superhero. He wants to be your rock but woman are too “I can do it myself.”- Wesley, 29

Well, they don’t trust men. They don’t trust a man to be a man and that inhibits us from being the man they want us to be. They be acting so hard and woman are supposed to be soft. Not to say that she shouldn’t think for herself or speak her mind but there’s a way to do it and still be feminine. Women used to take pride in the way they present themselves. If it was a home-cooked meal, the served it up with candles and place settings. If they invited you over, their house was clean and fresh smelling. I think that’s what’s missing in today’s women, they lack the inclination to do these things. They don’t really set a solid, womanly tone. -Murray, 35

Women don’t take men’s shoes off anymore. I used to see my grandmother do it for my grandfather when I was growing up and my father started to do it for my Mom. She always thought it was the strangest thing and she would say, “well, you’ve been working all day, let me take yours off.” So, as a kid, I would always see my Mom and Dad on opposite ends of the couch taking each other’s shoes off and rubbing each other’s feet. I took that for granted because most women be like “you can take your own damn shoes off, n*gga.” But I get the purpose of it now, it was basically saying plant yourself here at home with me where you belong. It’s a really deep, loving gesture. -Jason, 30

What are your thoughts blog readers? Ladies, in particular, please leave your thoughts! Do you find this to be true or a little embellished?

Please remember to e-mail all your topic suggestions, feedback and questions to msstephaniehill@hotmail.com

Microsoft marks launch of Kinect motion-control system with dance party in Times Square | VentureBeat

Microsoft marks launch of Kinect motion-control system with dance party in Times Square VentureBeat

Sisters, we should own up to our poor choices in men.

Scenarios written by China Okasi
Responses written by Anthony Jerrod


You wanna date thugs or chase after the fancy boys who are really jacked up inside and wind up jacking you up in the process of all that shady loving they’re offering. Then, after you’re all emotionally scarred and embittered by your ill-conceived excuses for men, you start getting blinded to the good dudes that do come your way afterwards! What gives? What are y’all going through? Come on! Take it from me, there is a time to NOT trust a man’s skanky behind, but there’s ALSO a time to let down your bags, like Erykah Badu said, and give a brotha some trust. Flip through the following scenarios as Anthony and I break it down so it can forever and consistently be broke*…
Trrrrust me!

China describes: Scenario 1 for the ladies.
You’ve been single forever. You meet this amazing, hot-butter specimen who seems like a winner. Your heart has been broken enough times, so you already know you’re going to play it cool and not rush into “I love you” on your third date. You’re a smart chocolate chip cookie, but should you carry that chip on your shoulder with every man?
Anthony responds: Some people are able to let go and to break forth from their hurtful past. For others, forgiveness is fairly difficult and ultimately results in the proverbial “chip on the shoulder.” To carry this “chip on the shoulder” with every man can prove detrimental not only to your health but also can potentially turn a very good man away who could be a very good husband, friend, lover and father. The past is the past, you are in the present.

China: Right. So…how do you know when to trust the “new” potential boo?
Anthony: Trust is established over a period of time, and communication and actions are the keys to building trust. Really examine your potential boo so that you can understand him. Trust cannot be built if you do not understand a person. At face value, this hot-butter specimen may be able to put on a good show for a certain period of time. However, if he is not genuine, then his flaws will eventually show. On the whole, keep learning about your potential boo and observe how he consistently treats others. When you feel comfortable in your inner being through careful analysis and observation, then you should be able to safely open the doors of trust.

China describes: Scenario 2 for the ladies.
He sliced your heart when you needed him most. He’s a dog. He’s a punk. He’s a jerk. But, in your calmer moments, he’s semi-human. He doesn’t seem to hurt everyone. He just seems to have uniquely traumatized you. Years pass by and you see him on the street. He just wants acknowledgment and he insists he is sorry. Do you trust or bust his a**?

Anthony responds: As a person that is hopefully aspiring to live an abundant life of love, peace and joy, it is okay to acknowledge this past lover and to accept his apology.  Again, forgiveness not only releases your soul and spirit but also helps you to let go of those who have hurt you in the past.  Should you trust this man?  Absolutely not!  Do you bust his a**?  If he does not put his hands on you or act in an intrusive or violent manner, then just speak, accept his apology and keep it moving.

China: Fine. No violence. Next!

China describes: Scenario 3 for the ladies.
You like the new guy, but he has a past: he’s been to jail before for a non-sexual or non-homicidal crime. You no likey his jail history, but, like Phaedra Parks of the “Real Housewives of Atlanta,” you’re kind of digging your new “Apollo”-ish ex-con honey boo. Before your mama intervenes and smacks you in your face for such horror, what should do?

Anthony responds: There is absolutely nothing wrong with digging an ex-offender who is very determined to turn their lives around.  Oftentimes, ex-offenders made one mistake that ultimately cost them a number of years in prison.  Are all of these individuals necessarily “bad” people?  Absolutely not!  This is a message that can be conveyed to your mama to help preclude a “smack down.”

China: Yeah, so uhm…trust or not trust this man?

Anthony: Similar to the hot-butter specimen, trust is established over a period of time, and communication and actions are the keys to building trust.  With an ex-offender, you will have to examine them not only to get a better understanding of who they are but also to see if they are really serious about living a better present and future.   Again, at face value, this hot-butter specimen may be able to put on good show for a certain period of time.  But, take your time and ascertain if he has really changed.  Keep learning about your potential Apollo and when you feel comfortable in your inner being through careful analysis and observation, then you should be able to safely open the doors of trust.

China: Anthony, you might be a lil nutters for espousing that jailbird love on Madame Noire. But, I understand what you’re saying on the whole. * blank stare * (Mama don’t hurt me!)

China describes: Scenario 4 for the ladies.

Your honey is from a different race or culture than you. Once, when joking, he uses a slur that surprises you. You stumble in shock and get really angry. He says he’s sorry and he was just kidding. What should you do?

Anthony responds: The exhibition of love is a beautiful thing – within the context of an intraracial or an interracial courtship or marriage.  Relative to interracial relationships, you would hope that your partner never makes a racial slur that demeans your culture and heritage.  But, if he does make this significant blunder, it is highly recommended that you swiftly and sternly address this issue by letting him know that the slur is not acceptable within the context of your relationship and that there may be severe repercussions if he does it again.

China: Got it. Now, spill the beans, Anthony! Trust or not trust this son-of-a-tongue?

Anthony: If your partner consistently engages in racially-based humor that demeans your culture and heritage, then the trust factor becomes really difficult to establish and/or maintain.  If you are courting such a man, it may prove beneficial to move on.  Conversely, if this truly was an isolated blunder that he later feels really bad about, then it should not adversely affect the trust in your relationship.

China describes: Scenario 5 for the ladies.

He spends a significant amount of time on the phone with women who he claims are his “friends.” You want to be mature, but you know how trifling some co-ed “friendships” can get. Still, you know that he’s never cheated on his ex-girlfriends and he would never hurt you (or so he claims). How do you know if you can trust him?

Anthony responds: It is not uncommon or atypical for a man to have mostly female friends.  And, in some cases, he may have been friends with these women before he met and became intimately involved with you.  If he has never cheated on his ex-girlfriends and has never hurt you, I think that you can trust him.  As a caveat, however, if he is spending more time on the phone and in person with his “friends” than with you, then it would be reasonable to question whether your relationship is still vibrant and whether any of his “friends” have become a “friend with benefits.”

China: ShooOoooo…

China describes: Scenario 6 for the ladies.

When he was younger, he was known as “the” pimp of all pimps. I mean, this man “used to be” a skanky ho of a hog-man. His sexual history is longer than Nene’s new nose. Now, he’s much calmer and doesn’t want to contract an STI. He’s a new “changed” man…and he’s your man. But, really though on the really real? Can you trust him?

Anthony responds: Mr. Space Age Pimpin’ has turned into a square choir boy, huh? It’s not an uncommon occurrence.  Some cynics and commentators do not believe that people can really change.  But, factual and documented cases from around the world have shown that people can turn their lives around through spiritual awakening and enlightment.

If the former Bishop Don Magic Juan is no longer interested in “pimpology” and other vices of his past life and truly shows consistent behavior where he tries his best to live right and to evade places and situations that can lead to trouble or cause a cataclysmic regression, then why not trust him?

China: Hmmmm. Answer accepted. For now

China describes: Scenario 7 for the ladies.

He’s dating you, but every celebrity or non-celebrity woman he says he likes, looks absolutely nothing like you. What in goodness name?! Can you trust this crazy a** man?

Anthony responds: Some men may fantasize about women- whether a celebrity or not- who all seem to have the same features.  This would cause alarm with some women.  But, if the man that you are dating is doing everything that he possibly can to show you that he loves, respects and cares for you, then I think that it is plausible to continue to trust him.  If he continues to show his admiration for these “fantasy” women, but does not seem to ever compliment you on your unique beauty and aesthetics, then you may want to consider whether you want to move on.

China describes: Scenario 8 for the ladies.

He’s lovely. Sometimes you think he’s a little “too” lovely. In fact, he’s giving you a Terry McMillan complex. He gets his nails done more often than you, and he “loves to shop.” Are you just being hyper-sensitive because of the black-men-on-the-DL narrative? How do you know if you can straight trust this brother? (I’m jussssst saying).

Anthony responds: A man who frequently gets his nails done and who loves to shop should not cause alarm. There are some men who really enjoy these forms of “escapism,” and are not on the DL.  ”Black-men-on-the-DL” is a valid and applicable narrative for some brothers, but women should really take the time to look for other indications, in aggregate, that their man may be engaging in this type of clandestine behavior.  If there are no other indications, then you can certainly trust this pedicured, manicured and well-dressed brother over time.

China: Hmmm. Mmm. Let’s hear it for the boys…

China describes: Scenario 9 for the ladies.

His money is fuuunnny. Geez. He spends like a fool and likes to keep up appearances. Maybe he has a good job, but you can’t be too sure he has financial sense. If he loses his job, he might end up broke because he saves nothing. Still, he loves you and wants to put a ring on it. Should you trust him?

Anthony responds: Certainly, there is nothing wrong with investing in yourself and keeping up your appearances.  But, this should not happen at the expense of being economically strained or broke.  Yes, he may have a good job, but he can certainly lose it especially in this lingering economy.  If he truly loves you, he will become more financially savvy and think more about the future (i.e., potential marriage, children, investment vehicles, financial assets, etc.).  If he doesn’t, instead of him stating that he wants to put a ring on it, you can start singing, “To the left, to the left.”

China: …everything you “own,” in the box, to the left…

China describes: Scenario 10 for the ladies.

He’s a rapper, rock star, singer, sports player, or one of those fake-famous type of dudes. *side eye* Can you trust this heffa-male?

Anthony responds:All rappers, rock stars, singers, ballers and aspiring celebrities are not “bad” dudes.  Some of these gentlemen may actually be really nice guys who can be committed to a relationship and exhibit the necessary actions and character that are needed to sustain a long-term relationship.  If he is one of these types of gentlemen, then I think it would be safe to trust him.

Ok my fellow bloggers what cha think? Chime in plz!

Random Mess

Jesus take the wheel lordy!

SMH: Close Ya Windows And Lock Ya Doors… The Biggest Strange Fruit On The Web Is Back With “Uncut D*cks!” [Video]

Damn, What Do You Really Want?

  

Hiya!!! I am back my friends! Did you miss me??? Sorry for the M I A you know how it goes... LIFE

Anywho, Good evening, Blog Readers! Here’s to another “Almost Monday Fun day!” After reading through some of my love and relationships articles, one of my male readers sent in a passionate e-mail explaining his position and how he doesn’t “get women.” Seriously, how many times have we had this conversation with a close friend and/or family member(s). This discussion is not gender specific either because women say the don’t understand men either!

In the e-mail the man expressed the notion of “women say they want a man that does this and that and when they find him, he’s too soft or too nice or isn’t quite rough around the edges enough.” He went on to tell a story about how he had invested his time in a relationship only to find that the women he was dating was still sleeping with her ex and her excuse was, “you’re always working and never spend time with me. This is where I’m confused! You say you want a man with a job, car and his own place and as a man, that’s what I’m supposed to do! I’m 32-years-old and women don’t motivate me to do that sh*t for myself. I take care of myself!! I’m in good shape and I’m mentally sound! What am I missing here?” He described himself and eligibility in few words, “I’m no pretty boy Billy D and I’m not a thug but I’m a man who knows how to treat a woman. Damn what do you really want??” Do you even know? I’m convinced that women don’t know what they want and that’s why men suffer.”

The statement is as simple as the topic is complex! Can we prevent pain and “suffrage” by knowing what we want and are willing to compromise? Are you realistic in your thought processes? Or, are we so caught up in a feeling, connection or chemistry — so blinded by love our standards and expectations take a back seat? That is until the flame defuses and you find that the two of you might not have so much in common (other than attraction) and he/she is not the “one.” So we asked a few of our lady readers, “what do you want in man?” Not surprisingly, it was hard for some to articulate what they want versus what they don’t want. And some know, without and shadow if a doubt, what they want in a partner.

In conclusion, he said, ” I challenge your woman readers to speak up and say with conviction, what they want.” Take a look and please discuss!

Wow, why is that such a hard question? I can tell you what I don’t want, for sure. What do I want? Hmm, I absolutely know what I don’t want and that’s a scrub. What I mean by that is, I want my man to know what it means to be a man. I’m not a needy chick so don’t take me not calling for a day personally. Or expect me to be the problem solver in the relationship. I want a man with a job and drive! I want him to have direction, like, I don’t want to have to show him the way to his own success because , if I do, then he’ll want me to do everything else for him. I want him to be as established as I am so we can match each other instead of compete, does that make sense? That’s what I want! – Teresa, 29

I want a man with a dream. I want him to chase his dreams like I do mine. I want him to know what he wants and how to go about getting what he wants, I only want to be the enhancement or the person on the sidelines cheering, I don’t want to be the work slave! I do believe it can be equal but as long as we share similar goals like being a parent, home ownership or big business! We just need to be on the same page, futuristically. If he’s all bark and no bite, I don’t want it. But if he’s focused but can still find time for me, he’s perfect! I just want him to want what he’s after like I am and we’ll be good! - Kelly, 28

Really, I want a man who’s not weak. I don’t want that dude that gets with a white girl because he’s looking for an easy way out of his problems, you know what I’m saying? I don’t want that dude that spends more time with the next broad than he does his own seed. I don’t want a weak-willed man who’s influenced by all the dumb a*s videos and reality TV. If he don’t know that that sh*t is fantasy then I can’t f*ck with him because he’s operating off a totally different principle. If he don’t want the real, then he don’t need to f*ck with me. I tell you what, the real reason why black men are into all kinds of other broads is because they stopped being scared of us. Not saying they should have ever been but you remember that damaging cartoon with the big-breasted black woman talking reckless on the porch, that was a design and a whole different conversation. But, for real, they stopped wanting to please black women and we got too arrogant. Like if you raise your voice or bust the windows out his car he’ll get right . . . no! He can get a bunch of other b*tches that will s*ck his d*ck and all that without the drama. If a man can recognize that, then, in my opinion, he’s not sleeping. What was the question, again? - Lady, 33

I want a man that wants more than he has and acts accordingly. If he didn’t have a man in his life, then I want him to be all he desired for his kids and not fall back on the “I didn’t have a father” excuse. I want a man’s man that knows what a woman wants instinctually. I want him to take care of himself while caring about the people in his life including me. I want a man that can rock me to tears in the bedroom and ignite a passion in me that only he can fuel. I think real men know how to do that but let’s be clear, a man like that is a man of God. He’s gotta be a God-fearing man to please a real woman. - Sandra, 29

Stay tuned for what the fellows responses next week!!!

Posting a new topic next couple of days

Sorry readers I haven't forgot you all new job, just trying to get out of my own way. Posting within 2 days stay tuned..

Why Do the Kids Have to Suffer?

Dear Steph, I need a little help from you and your readers. I divorced my husband 4 years ago and I’m just now getting readjusted to living the single life. There were a number of reasons why we ended up having to divorce, one being he was unfaithful on a number of occasions and the second is because he lacked the drive to make something of himself. We got married when we were 21 and I was in college while he was cutting hair here and there and dabbled in real estate. Well after we had our 2 kids before the age of 30, my husband decided he wanted to be a rapper and started hanging around in random studios and “touring” with another local rapper. Needless to say that got old pretty fast and I was wanting more. Mind you, in the meantime I got my Master’s, bought a house and was holding down the fort by providing and putting in the work hours. However, let me be clear, I didn’t do it for him I did it for my kids. After a while I really got tired of him not wanting more for himself and being a better example for our kids. I guess the problem was I grew up and he did not. Plus the women that were in his phone and calling all hours of the night was the last straw. Well it’s been 4 years since we split and I’m loving life and he immediately moved into a tiny apartment with one of his bust downs and that’s fine with me because I don’t want or need anything from him. I feel so free not having to deal with him and our kids are at an age where they can coordinate when they want to spend time with him without me having to be involved until they need to be picked up or dropped off. Where I think I’m messing up is I allow him to come over and spend time with the kids only because sometimes I feel more at ease knowing they’re home. But lately he keeps trying me and talking nonsense whenever I see him. He says things like “well, you need to give us another chance” or “all you have to do is say the word and I’m back” but I don’t want him! I’ve even grown to like his current girlfriend a little only because she’s good to my kids. What I don’t like is that when I tell him I’m not interested in getting back with him and that our time has run its course, he gets mad and takes it out on the kids by not calling or making good on his word to them. I think it’s disgusting that I almost have to play along and flirt with his little insinuations to get him to come through for the kids! I’m over him, I want him in the kids life but it seems like more of a hassle than anything else. Do you have any input or advice for situations like these?

Hello to you, sis! Thank you for writing in and sharing your story! Ahhh, the classic “you never miss a good thing until it’s gone” story at its best, right? And, sis, you have proven that another saying is also true, “success is the best revenge!” One can only admire the strides you’ve made and the example you’ve set for your children . . . and, obviously, your ex-husband is feeling the loss! If he has an ounce of intelligence, he’s probably wishing he had done things differently and could only hope for another chance with you but, in his heart, he knows he doesn’t have a fighting chance at this point unless he makes more than a few changes in his life. So far, “Easy Street” seems to be where he’s most comfortable, unfortunately. Without knowing the logistics of the divorce, he’s got it made in comparison to others in the same situation! All you ask of him is time and attention to devote to the kids and nothing more!

So, what it sounds like is, you’ve got troubles establishing solid boundaries at this juncture in your relationship. Although you two are divorced, you will have to deal with each other until the kids are grown, so it’s best to firmly enforce your boundaries and expectations without hesitation. If he’s talking slick to you and taking it out on your kids when you don’t entertain him, then that speaks volumes of his selfish character! Your romantic involvement, or lack thereof, with him should not, in any way, dictate his parenting! True, it’s awkward in times of transition but he’s had four years to adjust to the divorce and has moved on with his life! You’re deserving of the same freedom, so don’t even fool around with his shenanigans for a second! Divert any and all his innuendos and refocus the conversation back to the kids! All communication should be strictly business . . . i.e. the kids!

But here’s the deal, you clearly have a place in his heart and mind so use your position wisely. In most, cases, there’s normally a point or position that cannot be argued because it makes too much sense and you can’t argue truth and fact. Tell him straight up, “hey, you know what? Our marriage ran its course and I’m ready to move on with my life! You’ve moved on, so why can’t I?” Tell him the kids should not have to suffer because you don’t want to rekindle a romantic relationship with him and stress the fact that, at some point, he’s going to have to answer to his absence! Tell him he will no longer be welcomed in your house if he can’t adhere to the visitation schedule. Be firm in the idea that you want nothing from him outside of him being a father to the kids. But you must tell him without wavering . . . you have to be firm, ma, no “flirting!” He’ll come around to it in due time if you stick to your guns, so stay strong, sis! Stay strong and keep living! My thing is always know your worth! I can't say that enough...

What are your thoughts, blogger Fam? Please share them below!

To Date or Not to Date a single Mother/Father

Hello my fellow bloggers and readers. Happy Monday, I hope you all had a great weekend, I know I did! My Raiders won, Seahawks looked like shit, o'well I digress... .  I think today is going to be a good day... Alright let's dig in shall we? This topic is a very touchy topic either way, it’s a topic that’s clearly worthy of discussion. Generally, according to the responses, single people without children feel that single parents spoil their kids, are overprotective of them and too lax in disciplining them. Now, single parents, as a rule, wear the hats of both parents and find a way singlehandedly balance two-part parental tasks everyday. They don’t get breaks or 15-20 minute breathers each day, from sunup to sundown they’re ripping and running. It’s not easy but some make it look effortless. Then there are the single people who are responsible only for themselves, come and go wherever and whenever they want and answer to no one. They can work overtime, hit the happy hour or the gym after work, take weekend trips and sleep in on the weekends. These two lifestyles are like night and day. They are on two opposite ends of the spectrum and in no way similar. While single parents may long for the single life for just one night, single people may long for a family to come home to. So when the two lifestyles merge, where do you find the balance? How soon is too soon to introduce your children to a person of interest? Once the relationship is established, does the family newcomer have a say in how you discipline your children and, if so, to what extent? Communication is key, as always, but even though boundaries are communicated, until the situation arises how do you know you’re comfortable with the terms that were discussed? Dealing with children is a sensitive matter and, naturally, parents will protect them by any means necessary even if the third party means well. Not the mention the angst the third party may feel by being attached to a child, or in yesterday’s case, disliking the child. The situation is complicated, no doubt, but is it complicated enough to reject or refuse to date a man or woman with a child or children? I myself am a single mother, I typically don't date men who don't have kids. But my last two relationships the men didn't have kids... To me people without kids just don't get it....

I was married for seven years and have three children with my ex-husbnad. My oldest son is 11 and my youngest is 5. We’ve been divorced for four years and I think dating, for me, is out of the question. As crazy as it may sound, if I date again, I don’t want to date a man with children. I’d prefer to date a single man because I know for a fact that I can’t love anyone else’s kids like I love my own, so don’t ask me to and that’s the honest truth. And I wouldn’t expect a man to love my kids like my ex-husband does. I just can’t see it. Maybe when the baby goes off to college I might have a chance but until then, it’s the single life for me. -Sonia, 37

I’ll be honest, I used to go out of my way not to date women with kids. Like, for example, I’m not with a chick having three kids by three different dudes. To me, that just shows she’s got poor decision making skills, you know? But I say that to say that every story is different and the woman I’m seeing now has a son who’s 8. He’s really smart and goofy and carefree but he’s a cool lil’ dude. She didn’t even let me meet him until about 6 months into it. She invited me to one of his games or whatever and he was checking me out, like, ‘who are you and why are you here?’ But I was okay with that and got to know him. Now I take him to the barber shop and to his practices . . . home depot, it don’t matter. He’s alright with me but I had to earn his trust and I understood that from the door. And before I came around, he used to get over on her and knew how to really work her and I just sat back and watched. After he did or said whatever, I would ask her if I could go talk to the little man and she would be like, ‘why? What you got to say to my son?’ We argued about it a few times but now she’ll say, “can you go and talk some sense into him, please?” We’re good now but it took time and a certain level of trust. I think it’s all about your approach. - Jay, 33

Well, most of the men I’ve dated had children. Most men have children I thought. But over time I’ve learned to see how serious a man with children is. I don’t want to meet your kid unless I can meet the mother of said child or children. If he says he wants me to meet his kids then I’m like ‘well, I want to meet the mother first.’ My sister is a single mother and she’s moved on but her daughter’s father always has a new women around their three-year-old which isn’t cool. She stresses the fact that she just wants to meet whoever will be in her child’s presence only because she has allergies to certain foods and wants to communicate what she can and cannot eat. I, personally, don’t want to be responsible for a child being hospitalized or injured under my care so that’s why I stress meeting the mama. If he says, ‘she’s crazy’ and this and that all that means is, they’re probably still f*cking. He’s not handling his fatherly business and/or he has yet to set the tone of their interaction. They always tell on themselves, so I just listen. -Rae, 27

I was reading through some of the comments in yesterday’s post and I was appalled at the number of women who felt a wife should come before children. It’s painfully obvious that most of the women who said that don’t have kids or they’re selfish parents. I have two and me and my wife would take a bullet before we let anything happen to our children. A love for your child is completely different from the love you share with someone else. I love my children in a way that I could never love my wife and she feels the same way. We both understand that our needs take a backseat to the kids. I think that’s the problem though, too many parents don’t put their children first. And the single parents who date people with no kids always end up feeling like ‘you have no clue. You just don’t get it’ because if you don’t have kids, you can’t understand the love a mother or father has for a child. The women who wrote the letter yesterday is a perfect example. How you gon’ dictate how he should discipline his daughter? She’s clueless. I say, single folks should date other singles and single parents should date single parents. Problem solved. - James, 35

What are your thoughts, blogger fam? Please share them below!

Kindle Wireless Reading Device, Wi-Fi, 6" Display, Graphite - Latest Generation (I really want one of these)  Dating for Dads: The Single Father's Guide to Dating Well Without Parenting Poorly Single Parenting That Works: Six Keys to Raising Happy, Healthy Children in a Single-Parent Home  

Sextra: This is for my male readers!

Hey guys, it’s almost Friday, or maybe already Friday for some over my overseas readers. Fellas how many of you will be chatting it up in front of an XBox, clutching a cold beer, watching the UW Huskies punish that Nebraska team, talking about women and how they are never satisfied? Lots, right? Now let’s compare that number to the guys who will be cozied up in front of his flatscreen watching SportsCenter, clutching a cold beer AND his warm woman. Not many, right? At the end of the night, the XBoxers get nothing but their own hand service, while the other man gets to watch sports, drink beer AND get the good loving! Why? Because he’s taken the time to be a gentleman and, because of this, his lady could care less what he does in his spare time because when he all hers, she knows it without a doubt! It doesn’t take long guys, just some good old effort, time and attention! Besides, being a gentleman is sexy to a women, and will get you a permanent seat in her No.1 spot for the long run. A sexy body and face only go so far with a woman, but sexy ways will keep her open and loving you.


1.) Focus, Man – Fellas, put the cell phone down! One thing that is an immediate turn-off is when a man yammers on the phone with his boys during time that is supposed to spent with your lady! A woman’s time with her guy is supposed to be exclusive, period. After the time is spent, she’s good! But don’t giggle on the phone gossiping like girls with your homeboys, save it for when she’s not around, girlie gossip should be done alone. Note: Putting the phone on vibrate and constantly ignoring calls is worse than the chatter, and above all, a douche bag move.


2.) Be Handy – (I need this badly) women are such the “I can do it myself” kind, but we really don’t want to. So instead of offering, “do you want me to come over and out your computer desk together?” Tell her, “Oh, so you got desk!? I’m going to come put it together for you, what time works for you?” She can’t say no, and if you finish with a “what you cooking?” You’re being a man and making an offer she can’t refuse. If she does, she’s just not feeling you, move on.


3.) Stay Informed – Fellas, it’s okay to put the joysticks down and read a book every now and again! Pay attention to what women are reading! For instance, nowadays the Steve Harvey bestseller is a conversation piece for so many – the woman you’re taking out could be applying the knowledge from the book to you, and could potentially crush you at your own man game! No bueno. Imagine if you’ve both read the same book? Now, not only are you cute and funny, you’re smart too! Best to be on the same page, literally.

4.) Possess Knightliness – every woman wants that knight in shining armor. Not that you have to be this every day, but at least possess the capacity to do so from time to time. For example, after your date walk her to her car, open the door, close it, kiss her cheek through the window and wait for her to pull off before you make your exit. She’ll feel safe and flattered that you thought enough of her to make sure she’s in one piece when you left her. Give her a call about an hour later to make sure she’s in a safe space and let her know you enjoyed her company and can’t wait to see her again. Be a gentleman to your fullest potential, it never fails!


5.) Give More Than a 1 Word Reply – regardless of if its a text, email or face to face conversation, get involved! Again, it doesn’t have to be everyday or every conversation. Sometimes it takes a little more than a “yeah,” “uh-huh” or “cool” to soothe a woman’s need to be heard. Give more attention to the conversation topics that are especially important to her and be honest and compassionate. She’ll remember these times and know it’s within you to be caring.


6.) Don’t Be a “Yes” Man – it’s okay to give your lady a good firm “no,” and disagree from time to time. Women only like a pushover for so long and she’ll eventually get bored with your compliance, if you’re the type to concede to avoid an argument. It’s healthy for you to tell her “no”occasionally. Although she may not like it, she’ll respect your manhood and fall back. Disagreeing won’t kill her, but will it piss her smooth off? Sure. But she’ll get over it and, once again, respect your manhood and you standing your ground.


Ladies you agree with me? If not, chime in I love and appreciate all feedback.