Sextra: My Boyfriend Wants to Give Me a "Pearl Necklace"

I read your relationships posts all the time and I have a situation that I’d like to not only share but see if anyone has ever had this come up on their love life. My boyfriend and I are really close and we’ve grown to be great friends and lovers. Lately he’s been making jokes about “giving me a facial” and I didn’t think he was talking about ejaculating on my face but when I realized it I laughed it off but lately when we’ve been in the moment he asks me if he can give me a facial. I’m starting to get offended but, at the same time I want to do it. Please ask your readers to respond to this!!! I would like to know what they say. Thank you for your time!!

Happy Tuesday, sis! Thank you for writing in and sharing your story! So, oh my! This is definitely for the late night! Most would agree that the response is simple! It’s nothing that you should do without being completely comfortable. There’s no real way to make this whole thing sexy – other than just being willing to allow him the privilege of performing such an act. If you’re not comfortable with it, don’t do it! And if he really cares about you, he’ll respect your wishes! Although, we know the opinions in the thread will vary, we took the time to ask some of our readers what they thought about this subject, so check out what they had to say below!

When you bust on a girl’s face, I feel, all a man is really doing is smutting the girl out. It’s disrespectful, I wouldn’t do it. That means I have to stand up over you and literally do what I do on your face and I’m supposed to look at you the same after that? No way! It’s too much to get over. Might as well get urinate on her face, you know? It’s not for everybody and it’s damn sure not for me and my lady. But to each his own. Good, regular sex just isn’t enough for some people these days, I guess. - David, 28

If you sit on his face and get it in, he should be able to do the same! What’s the difference? I really want to know. If you’re at a point in your relationship where you can trust each other to that magnitude, then anything goes. But as long as the two of you can trust each other, I don’t see what the problem is. But for a man to feel comfortable enough to ask a woman to do that, then she’s on some freak sh*t. That’s real talk. - Marla, 33

I mean me and my wife get nasty with it but everybody has their boundaries. I love making love to my wife and there are some things I know she’s not going to do. Even though I know she would do anything that I ask of her in that way, I respect her and our marriage enough not to even go there. I don’t even want to. So, I guess what it boils down to for me, is that there are certain boundaries that I won’t cross with my wife. Everybody has their boundaries, so respect them. – Stan, 32

I’m not one for being violated in that way. I can’t really rock with idea of my man just ejaculating on my face! That’s not okay and it looks gross. I don’t understand what’s so cute about that! Why would a man want to do that to his wife? Before I had kids, I didn’t think too much of it and now that I have a daughter, umm! How about, no! Some things are just unnecessary and excessive … perverted in nature. In fact, my husband has never approached with it so I’m good! I just don’t like the idea. – Shontell, 30

What are your thoughts, blog Fam? Should some things remain off limits? Please share your thoughts below!
Have a wonderful weekend and please remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, feedback and questions to msstephaniehill@gmail.com

Old- Fashion Phased Out? A List of Things Women Don’t Do Anymore …

Good day, my fellow bloggers! Welcome to another Thursday eve. The topic of discussion today is old-school versus new school. For the people who are grown today, the days of answering machines and busy signals were real. There was no TV in every room, there wasn’t a plethora of entertainment devices to choose from to kill some time and, in this day and age, too much time! Long gone are the days where you have to wait for anything but is that good or bad? We’re in paradoxical times because there are some of us who are fine with ditching old-school or old-fashioned practices while others are nostalgic for the “good-old-days” when things weren’t so complicated and convoluted with other forces. It goes without saying that this translates to romance, dating and marriage too! So, many want to know, how do we bridge the gap? Can two people come together and find a happy medium between new and old? Last week we got the ladies opinion and, as promised, this week we asked some of our male readers what women of this generation don’t do that they used to do back in the day and how times have changed! Take a look! And by the way I don't mind the cater to you attitude as long as he is going what he needs to be doing. But enough about me. ;-)

Women don’t cook anymore man! What’s good with that? My sisters and aunties always have baked goods on deck — cookies, cupcakes, cakes and pies for me and brothers. If they know we’re coming over they’re like, “what you want to eat?” When I was growing up, all the women in my family cooked. The men would watch sports and do yard work and handy work and sh*t but women these days want you to do it all. This one chick asked me “when are you going to cook for me?” Which I don’t mind doing but I hadn’t even taken her out yet! That’s what she wanted me to do for her off rip. Man, I was like, “do you cook?” and she said no! What are women teaching their little girls these days? It’s definitely not how to keep a man. – Steve, 33

Women don’t behave like ladies anymore. When I go out I see woman loud-talking, cussing, shaking their as*es , FIGHTING each other! No man wants a woman that keeps drama around her or invites it into her life by way of her attitude or by the way she carries herself. Being with a woman should be enjoyable, fun, fulfilling. A good woman will teach a man something — whether it’s about himself, love or life in general. I’m so glad I don’t have to worry about that anymore, dating seems like a dead end street. I love my wife. - Kevin, 36

They don’t give you anything to look forward to. They’re too quick to give up all the goods. You’d be amazed at how fast women get down these days. It don’t take much work or effort. Here’s what kills me too, they like to get f*cked. They’re not into romance and taking things slow, they want to get pounded. It’s just too easy! Being easy to get into bed is only sexy for the moment, you know? I would say that, in this day and age, if a man takes his time to have sex with a woman, he’s probably really feeling her. - Melvin, 31

Well, from what I see women don’t know how to take care of a man. My mother still cooks, fixes my father’s plate and gives him back rubs. My mother knows her role as the woman of the house and my father is the man, there was never any confusion about it. Women are so hellbent on being this independent “I can do it myself” kind of woman but sometimes a man wants to be that guy you call to the rescue? He wants to be you’re superhero. He wants to be your rock but woman are too “I can do it myself.”- Wesley, 29

Well, they don’t trust men. They don’t trust a man to be a man and that inhibits us from being the man they want us to be. They be acting so hard and woman are supposed to be soft. Not to say that she shouldn’t think for herself or speak her mind but there’s a way to do it and still be feminine. Women used to take pride in the way they present themselves. If it was a home-cooked meal, the served it up with candles and place settings. If they invited you over, their house was clean and fresh smelling. I think that’s what’s missing in today’s women, they lack the inclination to do these things. They don’t really set a solid, womanly tone. -Murray, 35

Women don’t take men’s shoes off anymore. I used to see my grandmother do it for my grandfather when I was growing up and my father started to do it for my Mom. She always thought it was the strangest thing and she would say, “well, you’ve been working all day, let me take yours off.” So, as a kid, I would always see my Mom and Dad on opposite ends of the couch taking each other’s shoes off and rubbing each other’s feet. I took that for granted because most women be like “you can take your own damn shoes off, n*gga.” But I get the purpose of it now, it was basically saying plant yourself here at home with me where you belong. It’s a really deep, loving gesture. -Jason, 30

What are your thoughts blog readers? Ladies, in particular, please leave your thoughts! Do you find this to be true or a little embellished?

Please remember to e-mail all your topic suggestions, feedback and questions to msstephaniehill@hotmail.com

Microsoft marks launch of Kinect motion-control system with dance party in Times Square | VentureBeat

Microsoft marks launch of Kinect motion-control system with dance party in Times Square VentureBeat

Sisters, we should own up to our poor choices in men.

Scenarios written by China Okasi
Responses written by Anthony Jerrod


You wanna date thugs or chase after the fancy boys who are really jacked up inside and wind up jacking you up in the process of all that shady loving they’re offering. Then, after you’re all emotionally scarred and embittered by your ill-conceived excuses for men, you start getting blinded to the good dudes that do come your way afterwards! What gives? What are y’all going through? Come on! Take it from me, there is a time to NOT trust a man’s skanky behind, but there’s ALSO a time to let down your bags, like Erykah Badu said, and give a brotha some trust. Flip through the following scenarios as Anthony and I break it down so it can forever and consistently be broke*…
Trrrrust me!

China describes: Scenario 1 for the ladies.
You’ve been single forever. You meet this amazing, hot-butter specimen who seems like a winner. Your heart has been broken enough times, so you already know you’re going to play it cool and not rush into “I love you” on your third date. You’re a smart chocolate chip cookie, but should you carry that chip on your shoulder with every man?
Anthony responds: Some people are able to let go and to break forth from their hurtful past. For others, forgiveness is fairly difficult and ultimately results in the proverbial “chip on the shoulder.” To carry this “chip on the shoulder” with every man can prove detrimental not only to your health but also can potentially turn a very good man away who could be a very good husband, friend, lover and father. The past is the past, you are in the present.

China: Right. So…how do you know when to trust the “new” potential boo?
Anthony: Trust is established over a period of time, and communication and actions are the keys to building trust. Really examine your potential boo so that you can understand him. Trust cannot be built if you do not understand a person. At face value, this hot-butter specimen may be able to put on a good show for a certain period of time. However, if he is not genuine, then his flaws will eventually show. On the whole, keep learning about your potential boo and observe how he consistently treats others. When you feel comfortable in your inner being through careful analysis and observation, then you should be able to safely open the doors of trust.

China describes: Scenario 2 for the ladies.
He sliced your heart when you needed him most. He’s a dog. He’s a punk. He’s a jerk. But, in your calmer moments, he’s semi-human. He doesn’t seem to hurt everyone. He just seems to have uniquely traumatized you. Years pass by and you see him on the street. He just wants acknowledgment and he insists he is sorry. Do you trust or bust his a**?

Anthony responds: As a person that is hopefully aspiring to live an abundant life of love, peace and joy, it is okay to acknowledge this past lover and to accept his apology.  Again, forgiveness not only releases your soul and spirit but also helps you to let go of those who have hurt you in the past.  Should you trust this man?  Absolutely not!  Do you bust his a**?  If he does not put his hands on you or act in an intrusive or violent manner, then just speak, accept his apology and keep it moving.

China: Fine. No violence. Next!

China describes: Scenario 3 for the ladies.
You like the new guy, but he has a past: he’s been to jail before for a non-sexual or non-homicidal crime. You no likey his jail history, but, like Phaedra Parks of the “Real Housewives of Atlanta,” you’re kind of digging your new “Apollo”-ish ex-con honey boo. Before your mama intervenes and smacks you in your face for such horror, what should do?

Anthony responds: There is absolutely nothing wrong with digging an ex-offender who is very determined to turn their lives around.  Oftentimes, ex-offenders made one mistake that ultimately cost them a number of years in prison.  Are all of these individuals necessarily “bad” people?  Absolutely not!  This is a message that can be conveyed to your mama to help preclude a “smack down.”

China: Yeah, so uhm…trust or not trust this man?

Anthony: Similar to the hot-butter specimen, trust is established over a period of time, and communication and actions are the keys to building trust.  With an ex-offender, you will have to examine them not only to get a better understanding of who they are but also to see if they are really serious about living a better present and future.   Again, at face value, this hot-butter specimen may be able to put on good show for a certain period of time.  But, take your time and ascertain if he has really changed.  Keep learning about your potential Apollo and when you feel comfortable in your inner being through careful analysis and observation, then you should be able to safely open the doors of trust.

China: Anthony, you might be a lil nutters for espousing that jailbird love on Madame Noire. But, I understand what you’re saying on the whole. * blank stare * (Mama don’t hurt me!)

China describes: Scenario 4 for the ladies.

Your honey is from a different race or culture than you. Once, when joking, he uses a slur that surprises you. You stumble in shock and get really angry. He says he’s sorry and he was just kidding. What should you do?

Anthony responds: The exhibition of love is a beautiful thing – within the context of an intraracial or an interracial courtship or marriage.  Relative to interracial relationships, you would hope that your partner never makes a racial slur that demeans your culture and heritage.  But, if he does make this significant blunder, it is highly recommended that you swiftly and sternly address this issue by letting him know that the slur is not acceptable within the context of your relationship and that there may be severe repercussions if he does it again.

China: Got it. Now, spill the beans, Anthony! Trust or not trust this son-of-a-tongue?

Anthony: If your partner consistently engages in racially-based humor that demeans your culture and heritage, then the trust factor becomes really difficult to establish and/or maintain.  If you are courting such a man, it may prove beneficial to move on.  Conversely, if this truly was an isolated blunder that he later feels really bad about, then it should not adversely affect the trust in your relationship.

China describes: Scenario 5 for the ladies.

He spends a significant amount of time on the phone with women who he claims are his “friends.” You want to be mature, but you know how trifling some co-ed “friendships” can get. Still, you know that he’s never cheated on his ex-girlfriends and he would never hurt you (or so he claims). How do you know if you can trust him?

Anthony responds: It is not uncommon or atypical for a man to have mostly female friends.  And, in some cases, he may have been friends with these women before he met and became intimately involved with you.  If he has never cheated on his ex-girlfriends and has never hurt you, I think that you can trust him.  As a caveat, however, if he is spending more time on the phone and in person with his “friends” than with you, then it would be reasonable to question whether your relationship is still vibrant and whether any of his “friends” have become a “friend with benefits.”

China: ShooOoooo…

China describes: Scenario 6 for the ladies.

When he was younger, he was known as “the” pimp of all pimps. I mean, this man “used to be” a skanky ho of a hog-man. His sexual history is longer than Nene’s new nose. Now, he’s much calmer and doesn’t want to contract an STI. He’s a new “changed” man…and he’s your man. But, really though on the really real? Can you trust him?

Anthony responds: Mr. Space Age Pimpin’ has turned into a square choir boy, huh? It’s not an uncommon occurrence.  Some cynics and commentators do not believe that people can really change.  But, factual and documented cases from around the world have shown that people can turn their lives around through spiritual awakening and enlightment.

If the former Bishop Don Magic Juan is no longer interested in “pimpology” and other vices of his past life and truly shows consistent behavior where he tries his best to live right and to evade places and situations that can lead to trouble or cause a cataclysmic regression, then why not trust him?

China: Hmmmm. Answer accepted. For now

China describes: Scenario 7 for the ladies.

He’s dating you, but every celebrity or non-celebrity woman he says he likes, looks absolutely nothing like you. What in goodness name?! Can you trust this crazy a** man?

Anthony responds: Some men may fantasize about women- whether a celebrity or not- who all seem to have the same features.  This would cause alarm with some women.  But, if the man that you are dating is doing everything that he possibly can to show you that he loves, respects and cares for you, then I think that it is plausible to continue to trust him.  If he continues to show his admiration for these “fantasy” women, but does not seem to ever compliment you on your unique beauty and aesthetics, then you may want to consider whether you want to move on.

China describes: Scenario 8 for the ladies.

He’s lovely. Sometimes you think he’s a little “too” lovely. In fact, he’s giving you a Terry McMillan complex. He gets his nails done more often than you, and he “loves to shop.” Are you just being hyper-sensitive because of the black-men-on-the-DL narrative? How do you know if you can straight trust this brother? (I’m jussssst saying).

Anthony responds: A man who frequently gets his nails done and who loves to shop should not cause alarm. There are some men who really enjoy these forms of “escapism,” and are not on the DL.  ”Black-men-on-the-DL” is a valid and applicable narrative for some brothers, but women should really take the time to look for other indications, in aggregate, that their man may be engaging in this type of clandestine behavior.  If there are no other indications, then you can certainly trust this pedicured, manicured and well-dressed brother over time.

China: Hmmm. Mmm. Let’s hear it for the boys…

China describes: Scenario 9 for the ladies.

His money is fuuunnny. Geez. He spends like a fool and likes to keep up appearances. Maybe he has a good job, but you can’t be too sure he has financial sense. If he loses his job, he might end up broke because he saves nothing. Still, he loves you and wants to put a ring on it. Should you trust him?

Anthony responds: Certainly, there is nothing wrong with investing in yourself and keeping up your appearances.  But, this should not happen at the expense of being economically strained or broke.  Yes, he may have a good job, but he can certainly lose it especially in this lingering economy.  If he truly loves you, he will become more financially savvy and think more about the future (i.e., potential marriage, children, investment vehicles, financial assets, etc.).  If he doesn’t, instead of him stating that he wants to put a ring on it, you can start singing, “To the left, to the left.”

China: …everything you “own,” in the box, to the left…

China describes: Scenario 10 for the ladies.

He’s a rapper, rock star, singer, sports player, or one of those fake-famous type of dudes. *side eye* Can you trust this heffa-male?

Anthony responds:All rappers, rock stars, singers, ballers and aspiring celebrities are not “bad” dudes.  Some of these gentlemen may actually be really nice guys who can be committed to a relationship and exhibit the necessary actions and character that are needed to sustain a long-term relationship.  If he is one of these types of gentlemen, then I think it would be safe to trust him.

Ok my fellow bloggers what cha think? Chime in plz!

Random Mess

Jesus take the wheel lordy!

SMH: Close Ya Windows And Lock Ya Doors… The Biggest Strange Fruit On The Web Is Back With “Uncut D*cks!” [Video]

Damn, What Do You Really Want?

  

Hiya!!! I am back my friends! Did you miss me??? Sorry for the M I A you know how it goes... LIFE

Anywho, Good evening, Blog Readers! Here’s to another “Almost Monday Fun day!” After reading through some of my love and relationships articles, one of my male readers sent in a passionate e-mail explaining his position and how he doesn’t “get women.” Seriously, how many times have we had this conversation with a close friend and/or family member(s). This discussion is not gender specific either because women say the don’t understand men either!

In the e-mail the man expressed the notion of “women say they want a man that does this and that and when they find him, he’s too soft or too nice or isn’t quite rough around the edges enough.” He went on to tell a story about how he had invested his time in a relationship only to find that the women he was dating was still sleeping with her ex and her excuse was, “you’re always working and never spend time with me. This is where I’m confused! You say you want a man with a job, car and his own place and as a man, that’s what I’m supposed to do! I’m 32-years-old and women don’t motivate me to do that sh*t for myself. I take care of myself!! I’m in good shape and I’m mentally sound! What am I missing here?” He described himself and eligibility in few words, “I’m no pretty boy Billy D and I’m not a thug but I’m a man who knows how to treat a woman. Damn what do you really want??” Do you even know? I’m convinced that women don’t know what they want and that’s why men suffer.”

The statement is as simple as the topic is complex! Can we prevent pain and “suffrage” by knowing what we want and are willing to compromise? Are you realistic in your thought processes? Or, are we so caught up in a feeling, connection or chemistry — so blinded by love our standards and expectations take a back seat? That is until the flame defuses and you find that the two of you might not have so much in common (other than attraction) and he/she is not the “one.” So we asked a few of our lady readers, “what do you want in man?” Not surprisingly, it was hard for some to articulate what they want versus what they don’t want. And some know, without and shadow if a doubt, what they want in a partner.

In conclusion, he said, ” I challenge your woman readers to speak up and say with conviction, what they want.” Take a look and please discuss!

Wow, why is that such a hard question? I can tell you what I don’t want, for sure. What do I want? Hmm, I absolutely know what I don’t want and that’s a scrub. What I mean by that is, I want my man to know what it means to be a man. I’m not a needy chick so don’t take me not calling for a day personally. Or expect me to be the problem solver in the relationship. I want a man with a job and drive! I want him to have direction, like, I don’t want to have to show him the way to his own success because , if I do, then he’ll want me to do everything else for him. I want him to be as established as I am so we can match each other instead of compete, does that make sense? That’s what I want! – Teresa, 29

I want a man with a dream. I want him to chase his dreams like I do mine. I want him to know what he wants and how to go about getting what he wants, I only want to be the enhancement or the person on the sidelines cheering, I don’t want to be the work slave! I do believe it can be equal but as long as we share similar goals like being a parent, home ownership or big business! We just need to be on the same page, futuristically. If he’s all bark and no bite, I don’t want it. But if he’s focused but can still find time for me, he’s perfect! I just want him to want what he’s after like I am and we’ll be good! - Kelly, 28

Really, I want a man who’s not weak. I don’t want that dude that gets with a white girl because he’s looking for an easy way out of his problems, you know what I’m saying? I don’t want that dude that spends more time with the next broad than he does his own seed. I don’t want a weak-willed man who’s influenced by all the dumb a*s videos and reality TV. If he don’t know that that sh*t is fantasy then I can’t f*ck with him because he’s operating off a totally different principle. If he don’t want the real, then he don’t need to f*ck with me. I tell you what, the real reason why black men are into all kinds of other broads is because they stopped being scared of us. Not saying they should have ever been but you remember that damaging cartoon with the big-breasted black woman talking reckless on the porch, that was a design and a whole different conversation. But, for real, they stopped wanting to please black women and we got too arrogant. Like if you raise your voice or bust the windows out his car he’ll get right . . . no! He can get a bunch of other b*tches that will s*ck his d*ck and all that without the drama. If a man can recognize that, then, in my opinion, he’s not sleeping. What was the question, again? - Lady, 33

I want a man that wants more than he has and acts accordingly. If he didn’t have a man in his life, then I want him to be all he desired for his kids and not fall back on the “I didn’t have a father” excuse. I want a man’s man that knows what a woman wants instinctually. I want him to take care of himself while caring about the people in his life including me. I want a man that can rock me to tears in the bedroom and ignite a passion in me that only he can fuel. I think real men know how to do that but let’s be clear, a man like that is a man of God. He’s gotta be a God-fearing man to please a real woman. - Sandra, 29

Stay tuned for what the fellows responses next week!!!