Sextra: My Boyfriend Wants to Give Me a "Pearl Necklace"

I read your relationships posts all the time and I have a situation that I’d like to not only share but see if anyone has ever had this come up on their love life. My boyfriend and I are really close and we’ve grown to be great friends and lovers. Lately he’s been making jokes about “giving me a facial” and I didn’t think he was talking about ejaculating on my face but when I realized it I laughed it off but lately when we’ve been in the moment he asks me if he can give me a facial. I’m starting to get offended but, at the same time I want to do it. Please ask your readers to respond to this!!! I would like to know what they say. Thank you for your time!!

Happy Tuesday, sis! Thank you for writing in and sharing your story! So, oh my! This is definitely for the late night! Most would agree that the response is simple! It’s nothing that you should do without being completely comfortable. There’s no real way to make this whole thing sexy – other than just being willing to allow him the privilege of performing such an act. If you’re not comfortable with it, don’t do it! And if he really cares about you, he’ll respect your wishes! Although, we know the opinions in the thread will vary, we took the time to ask some of our readers what they thought about this subject, so check out what they had to say below!

When you bust on a girl’s face, I feel, all a man is really doing is smutting the girl out. It’s disrespectful, I wouldn’t do it. That means I have to stand up over you and literally do what I do on your face and I’m supposed to look at you the same after that? No way! It’s too much to get over. Might as well get urinate on her face, you know? It’s not for everybody and it’s damn sure not for me and my lady. But to each his own. Good, regular sex just isn’t enough for some people these days, I guess. - David, 28

If you sit on his face and get it in, he should be able to do the same! What’s the difference? I really want to know. If you’re at a point in your relationship where you can trust each other to that magnitude, then anything goes. But as long as the two of you can trust each other, I don’t see what the problem is. But for a man to feel comfortable enough to ask a woman to do that, then she’s on some freak sh*t. That’s real talk. - Marla, 33

I mean me and my wife get nasty with it but everybody has their boundaries. I love making love to my wife and there are some things I know she’s not going to do. Even though I know she would do anything that I ask of her in that way, I respect her and our marriage enough not to even go there. I don’t even want to. So, I guess what it boils down to for me, is that there are certain boundaries that I won’t cross with my wife. Everybody has their boundaries, so respect them. – Stan, 32

I’m not one for being violated in that way. I can’t really rock with idea of my man just ejaculating on my face! That’s not okay and it looks gross. I don’t understand what’s so cute about that! Why would a man want to do that to his wife? Before I had kids, I didn’t think too much of it and now that I have a daughter, umm! How about, no! Some things are just unnecessary and excessive … perverted in nature. In fact, my husband has never approached with it so I’m good! I just don’t like the idea. – Shontell, 30

What are your thoughts, blog Fam? Should some things remain off limits? Please share your thoughts below!
Have a wonderful weekend and please remember to e-mail all topic suggestions, feedback and questions to msstephaniehill@gmail.com

Why Do the Kids Have to Suffer?

Dear Steph, I need a little help from you and your readers. I divorced my husband 4 years ago and I’m just now getting readjusted to living the single life. There were a number of reasons why we ended up having to divorce, one being he was unfaithful on a number of occasions and the second is because he lacked the drive to make something of himself. We got married when we were 21 and I was in college while he was cutting hair here and there and dabbled in real estate. Well after we had our 2 kids before the age of 30, my husband decided he wanted to be a rapper and started hanging around in random studios and “touring” with another local rapper. Needless to say that got old pretty fast and I was wanting more. Mind you, in the meantime I got my Master’s, bought a house and was holding down the fort by providing and putting in the work hours. However, let me be clear, I didn’t do it for him I did it for my kids. After a while I really got tired of him not wanting more for himself and being a better example for our kids. I guess the problem was I grew up and he did not. Plus the women that were in his phone and calling all hours of the night was the last straw. Well it’s been 4 years since we split and I’m loving life and he immediately moved into a tiny apartment with one of his bust downs and that’s fine with me because I don’t want or need anything from him. I feel so free not having to deal with him and our kids are at an age where they can coordinate when they want to spend time with him without me having to be involved until they need to be picked up or dropped off. Where I think I’m messing up is I allow him to come over and spend time with the kids only because sometimes I feel more at ease knowing they’re home. But lately he keeps trying me and talking nonsense whenever I see him. He says things like “well, you need to give us another chance” or “all you have to do is say the word and I’m back” but I don’t want him! I’ve even grown to like his current girlfriend a little only because she’s good to my kids. What I don’t like is that when I tell him I’m not interested in getting back with him and that our time has run its course, he gets mad and takes it out on the kids by not calling or making good on his word to them. I think it’s disgusting that I almost have to play along and flirt with his little insinuations to get him to come through for the kids! I’m over him, I want him in the kids life but it seems like more of a hassle than anything else. Do you have any input or advice for situations like these?

Hello to you, sis! Thank you for writing in and sharing your story! Ahhh, the classic “you never miss a good thing until it’s gone” story at its best, right? And, sis, you have proven that another saying is also true, “success is the best revenge!” One can only admire the strides you’ve made and the example you’ve set for your children . . . and, obviously, your ex-husband is feeling the loss! If he has an ounce of intelligence, he’s probably wishing he had done things differently and could only hope for another chance with you but, in his heart, he knows he doesn’t have a fighting chance at this point unless he makes more than a few changes in his life. So far, “Easy Street” seems to be where he’s most comfortable, unfortunately. Without knowing the logistics of the divorce, he’s got it made in comparison to others in the same situation! All you ask of him is time and attention to devote to the kids and nothing more!

So, what it sounds like is, you’ve got troubles establishing solid boundaries at this juncture in your relationship. Although you two are divorced, you will have to deal with each other until the kids are grown, so it’s best to firmly enforce your boundaries and expectations without hesitation. If he’s talking slick to you and taking it out on your kids when you don’t entertain him, then that speaks volumes of his selfish character! Your romantic involvement, or lack thereof, with him should not, in any way, dictate his parenting! True, it’s awkward in times of transition but he’s had four years to adjust to the divorce and has moved on with his life! You’re deserving of the same freedom, so don’t even fool around with his shenanigans for a second! Divert any and all his innuendos and refocus the conversation back to the kids! All communication should be strictly business . . . i.e. the kids!

But here’s the deal, you clearly have a place in his heart and mind so use your position wisely. In most, cases, there’s normally a point or position that cannot be argued because it makes too much sense and you can’t argue truth and fact. Tell him straight up, “hey, you know what? Our marriage ran its course and I’m ready to move on with my life! You’ve moved on, so why can’t I?” Tell him the kids should not have to suffer because you don’t want to rekindle a romantic relationship with him and stress the fact that, at some point, he’s going to have to answer to his absence! Tell him he will no longer be welcomed in your house if he can’t adhere to the visitation schedule. Be firm in the idea that you want nothing from him outside of him being a father to the kids. But you must tell him without wavering . . . you have to be firm, ma, no “flirting!” He’ll come around to it in due time if you stick to your guns, so stay strong, sis! Stay strong and keep living! My thing is always know your worth! I can't say that enough...

What are your thoughts, blogger Fam? Please share them below!

To Date or Not to Date a single Mother/Father

Hello my fellow bloggers and readers. Happy Monday, I hope you all had a great weekend, I know I did! My Raiders won, Seahawks looked like shit, o'well I digress... .  I think today is going to be a good day... Alright let's dig in shall we? This topic is a very touchy topic either way, it’s a topic that’s clearly worthy of discussion. Generally, according to the responses, single people without children feel that single parents spoil their kids, are overprotective of them and too lax in disciplining them. Now, single parents, as a rule, wear the hats of both parents and find a way singlehandedly balance two-part parental tasks everyday. They don’t get breaks or 15-20 minute breathers each day, from sunup to sundown they’re ripping and running. It’s not easy but some make it look effortless. Then there are the single people who are responsible only for themselves, come and go wherever and whenever they want and answer to no one. They can work overtime, hit the happy hour or the gym after work, take weekend trips and sleep in on the weekends. These two lifestyles are like night and day. They are on two opposite ends of the spectrum and in no way similar. While single parents may long for the single life for just one night, single people may long for a family to come home to. So when the two lifestyles merge, where do you find the balance? How soon is too soon to introduce your children to a person of interest? Once the relationship is established, does the family newcomer have a say in how you discipline your children and, if so, to what extent? Communication is key, as always, but even though boundaries are communicated, until the situation arises how do you know you’re comfortable with the terms that were discussed? Dealing with children is a sensitive matter and, naturally, parents will protect them by any means necessary even if the third party means well. Not the mention the angst the third party may feel by being attached to a child, or in yesterday’s case, disliking the child. The situation is complicated, no doubt, but is it complicated enough to reject or refuse to date a man or woman with a child or children? I myself am a single mother, I typically don't date men who don't have kids. But my last two relationships the men didn't have kids... To me people without kids just don't get it....

I was married for seven years and have three children with my ex-husbnad. My oldest son is 11 and my youngest is 5. We’ve been divorced for four years and I think dating, for me, is out of the question. As crazy as it may sound, if I date again, I don’t want to date a man with children. I’d prefer to date a single man because I know for a fact that I can’t love anyone else’s kids like I love my own, so don’t ask me to and that’s the honest truth. And I wouldn’t expect a man to love my kids like my ex-husband does. I just can’t see it. Maybe when the baby goes off to college I might have a chance but until then, it’s the single life for me. -Sonia, 37

I’ll be honest, I used to go out of my way not to date women with kids. Like, for example, I’m not with a chick having three kids by three different dudes. To me, that just shows she’s got poor decision making skills, you know? But I say that to say that every story is different and the woman I’m seeing now has a son who’s 8. He’s really smart and goofy and carefree but he’s a cool lil’ dude. She didn’t even let me meet him until about 6 months into it. She invited me to one of his games or whatever and he was checking me out, like, ‘who are you and why are you here?’ But I was okay with that and got to know him. Now I take him to the barber shop and to his practices . . . home depot, it don’t matter. He’s alright with me but I had to earn his trust and I understood that from the door. And before I came around, he used to get over on her and knew how to really work her and I just sat back and watched. After he did or said whatever, I would ask her if I could go talk to the little man and she would be like, ‘why? What you got to say to my son?’ We argued about it a few times but now she’ll say, “can you go and talk some sense into him, please?” We’re good now but it took time and a certain level of trust. I think it’s all about your approach. - Jay, 33

Well, most of the men I’ve dated had children. Most men have children I thought. But over time I’ve learned to see how serious a man with children is. I don’t want to meet your kid unless I can meet the mother of said child or children. If he says he wants me to meet his kids then I’m like ‘well, I want to meet the mother first.’ My sister is a single mother and she’s moved on but her daughter’s father always has a new women around their three-year-old which isn’t cool. She stresses the fact that she just wants to meet whoever will be in her child’s presence only because she has allergies to certain foods and wants to communicate what she can and cannot eat. I, personally, don’t want to be responsible for a child being hospitalized or injured under my care so that’s why I stress meeting the mama. If he says, ‘she’s crazy’ and this and that all that means is, they’re probably still f*cking. He’s not handling his fatherly business and/or he has yet to set the tone of their interaction. They always tell on themselves, so I just listen. -Rae, 27

I was reading through some of the comments in yesterday’s post and I was appalled at the number of women who felt a wife should come before children. It’s painfully obvious that most of the women who said that don’t have kids or they’re selfish parents. I have two and me and my wife would take a bullet before we let anything happen to our children. A love for your child is completely different from the love you share with someone else. I love my children in a way that I could never love my wife and she feels the same way. We both understand that our needs take a backseat to the kids. I think that’s the problem though, too many parents don’t put their children first. And the single parents who date people with no kids always end up feeling like ‘you have no clue. You just don’t get it’ because if you don’t have kids, you can’t understand the love a mother or father has for a child. The women who wrote the letter yesterday is a perfect example. How you gon’ dictate how he should discipline his daughter? She’s clueless. I say, single folks should date other singles and single parents should date single parents. Problem solved. - James, 35

What are your thoughts, blogger fam? Please share them below!

Kindle Wireless Reading Device, Wi-Fi, 6" Display, Graphite - Latest Generation (I really want one of these)  Dating for Dads: The Single Father's Guide to Dating Well Without Parenting Poorly Single Parenting That Works: Six Keys to Raising Happy, Healthy Children in a Single-Parent Home  

Sextra: This is for my male readers!

Hey guys, it’s almost Friday, or maybe already Friday for some over my overseas readers. Fellas how many of you will be chatting it up in front of an XBox, clutching a cold beer, watching the UW Huskies punish that Nebraska team, talking about women and how they are never satisfied? Lots, right? Now let’s compare that number to the guys who will be cozied up in front of his flatscreen watching SportsCenter, clutching a cold beer AND his warm woman. Not many, right? At the end of the night, the XBoxers get nothing but their own hand service, while the other man gets to watch sports, drink beer AND get the good loving! Why? Because he’s taken the time to be a gentleman and, because of this, his lady could care less what he does in his spare time because when he all hers, she knows it without a doubt! It doesn’t take long guys, just some good old effort, time and attention! Besides, being a gentleman is sexy to a women, and will get you a permanent seat in her No.1 spot for the long run. A sexy body and face only go so far with a woman, but sexy ways will keep her open and loving you.


1.) Focus, Man – Fellas, put the cell phone down! One thing that is an immediate turn-off is when a man yammers on the phone with his boys during time that is supposed to spent with your lady! A woman’s time with her guy is supposed to be exclusive, period. After the time is spent, she’s good! But don’t giggle on the phone gossiping like girls with your homeboys, save it for when she’s not around, girlie gossip should be done alone. Note: Putting the phone on vibrate and constantly ignoring calls is worse than the chatter, and above all, a douche bag move.


2.) Be Handy – (I need this badly) women are such the “I can do it myself” kind, but we really don’t want to. So instead of offering, “do you want me to come over and out your computer desk together?” Tell her, “Oh, so you got desk!? I’m going to come put it together for you, what time works for you?” She can’t say no, and if you finish with a “what you cooking?” You’re being a man and making an offer she can’t refuse. If she does, she’s just not feeling you, move on.


3.) Stay Informed – Fellas, it’s okay to put the joysticks down and read a book every now and again! Pay attention to what women are reading! For instance, nowadays the Steve Harvey bestseller is a conversation piece for so many – the woman you’re taking out could be applying the knowledge from the book to you, and could potentially crush you at your own man game! No bueno. Imagine if you’ve both read the same book? Now, not only are you cute and funny, you’re smart too! Best to be on the same page, literally.

4.) Possess Knightliness – every woman wants that knight in shining armor. Not that you have to be this every day, but at least possess the capacity to do so from time to time. For example, after your date walk her to her car, open the door, close it, kiss her cheek through the window and wait for her to pull off before you make your exit. She’ll feel safe and flattered that you thought enough of her to make sure she’s in one piece when you left her. Give her a call about an hour later to make sure she’s in a safe space and let her know you enjoyed her company and can’t wait to see her again. Be a gentleman to your fullest potential, it never fails!


5.) Give More Than a 1 Word Reply – regardless of if its a text, email or face to face conversation, get involved! Again, it doesn’t have to be everyday or every conversation. Sometimes it takes a little more than a “yeah,” “uh-huh” or “cool” to soothe a woman’s need to be heard. Give more attention to the conversation topics that are especially important to her and be honest and compassionate. She’ll remember these times and know it’s within you to be caring.


6.) Don’t Be a “Yes” Man – it’s okay to give your lady a good firm “no,” and disagree from time to time. Women only like a pushover for so long and she’ll eventually get bored with your compliance, if you’re the type to concede to avoid an argument. It’s healthy for you to tell her “no”occasionally. Although she may not like it, she’ll respect your manhood and fall back. Disagreeing won’t kill her, but will it piss her smooth off? Sure. But she’ll get over it and, once again, respect your manhood and you standing your ground.


Ladies you agree with me? If not, chime in I love and appreciate all feedback.

Why won't SHE commit?!

Haha do I have your attention with my title?!?!?! Welp for those of you that know me, I love to flip the script nor am I the typical woman. I don't have commitment issues, but as a single mother I can't afford to make mistakes when it comes to dating... So to help some of my brotha's that finds themselves into a woman but she just won't commit..  Let's explore this a little bit more shall we?

So men, have you ever found yourself puzzled about a woman's intentions toward you? 

You've taken her out, wined and dined her, treated her like a queen, and she still gives you the run around?

She's every thing you've ever wanted.  She has beauty, class, and a great personality.

She shows you affection, answers when you call, and may even pay for a date or two.

You want her, but any time you bring up commitment she runs for the hills?

So what gives? Why won't she commit?!

Men are not the only ones who don't give titles quickly.  There are a number of men who sit and ponder why the lady in their life won't accept the title "girlfriend".  They are with a lady who runs hot and cold.  She gives him just enough to keep him interested, but never quite all of herself.  She allows him to get close, but she keeps him at a distance.  Just when he thinks the chase is over and he has her, she pulls away. 

You have conversations that go something like this:

YOU:  I really enjoy spending time with you, and would like to see you more often.

HER: Oh that's sweet of you to say! I like spending time with you too.

YOU: You know I think about you all the time.

HER: You do?

YOU:  Yes, I've been waiting to have a woman like you in my life for awhile. I can really see us being good together.

HER: Ummm...ok.  Well, I think I need to make another phone call.  Can we talk tomorrow?

Here's the deal.  Some women just do not want to be in committed relationships.  She may be at the time in her life where she's just "doing her".  Which means she's dating, having fun, living life and doesn't want to be tied down to anyone.  She enjoys your company, but she is not trying to answer to anyone's title.  She views commitments as loss of freedom.  And that is the last thing she wants.

Another reason may be that you're doing too much, without requiring anything from her.  And most noncommittal women will not commit to men who don't require anything from them.  You have to be blunt and set boundaries.  Make love to her mind not just her body.. Most men won't understand that statement. For those of you go back to undergraduate level, I only deal with 500+ level. Now where was I? oh, do not let her use your kindness for weakness.  She won't respect you.  There must be balance.  If you do not require anything from her, she will keep you in waiting while she looks for a man who will. Sorry ladies am I telling a little too much...

In other situations, she may feel unworthy of you.  She has some issues that she's dealing with that make her question why a guy like you would want to be with her.  In this situation, the commitment phobia can be calmed down with a little tender loving care.  She has to heal from whatever in her past makes her feel like she doesn't deserve a man who treats her well.  However, you must be in it for the long haul, because this will take time.

Whatever you do, do not indulge a noncommittal woman.  She will take noncommittal to new heights and it will drive you crazy.  She will make you feel like you are the only one and the best man in the world, but she will not become your girl, wife or significant other.  You will forever be her friend unless you decide to go on your separate way or tap into the reason why she won't commit.

To get into the real reason why she won't commit, you have to have a strong nerve.  You may not like what you hear.  You may learn that you are not her ideal mate and she cannot see herself with you in the future.  Just know that you deserve to be with a woman who wants to be with you. Let the choir say amend!

You should give your heart, love and time to someone who will give the same in return.  If you ask not, you receive not.  Make your intentions known, and let her know that there is a limit to how much time she will be allowed in your life if she insists on playing around.  And whatever you do, stick to your guns.

I think I could go on with us women having our own successful careers, mothering and simply holding it down on our own, we expect more from our man. But that will be part two. :-)

Kiss and Run: The Single, Picky, and Indecisive Girl's Guide to Overcoming Fear of Commitment

How to Cure a Committment Phobic

When the Man in Your Life Can't Commit: Recognizing the Signs of a Commitment-Phobe and What You Can Do About It

Are men more EMOTIONAL than women???

Hello my fellow Bloggers happy Labor Day weekend. I am not feeling to well, so let't write!! So, over the last decade or so, neuroscientists have been researching the ever-mysterious emotional differences between men and women. As myth has it, men aren’t “in touch with their emotions and hardly express them” while women “wear their emotions on their sleeve” and cry at any given moment. In the realm of sex, it is also believed that there is a hint of emotional engagement for women by default. Well, guess what? That’s not true! In fact, quite the opposite. According to an article in Scientific American, recent studies have concluded, MEN show more activity in the emotional regions of the brain during sex while women, on the other hand, show NONE. No signs of emotional activity during sex and during an orgasm. Well, then why does she laugh, shed tears or get reflective afterwards, one might ask? And the answer is in the question . . . afterwards, when the brain returns to it’s standard state, emotions might rush in. Simple. Okay, to approach this theory from another vantage point, another study shows men are more apt to emotional suffrage in relationships than woman! According toScience Daily, the reason this true is because “their romantic partners are often their primary source of intimacy — in contrast to young women who are more likely to have close relationships with family and friends.”

Hmm, makes perfectly good, non-emotional, logical man-sense, does it not? Think about it, everybody has a male companion or family member that’s suffered through a love lost . . . and they take it pretty rough, right? The man can’t eat nor sleep. He might lose weight and regularly drown his sorrows with liquor in remembrance of “the time we had.” If it’s really bad, he’ll graduate to drunken texts and phone calls searching for answers. Men are lovesick for weeks and, sometimes, months after a breakup! It’s hard for them to let go too! Now, that’s not to discredit or degrade the integrity of a man but more so to prove that when they love, they love hard and strong because their emotions are invested! Unfortunately, they tend to love and invest in the wrong ones but that’s a different subject. So, ladies . . . maybe a little extra sensitivity and tenderness will go a long way with men after all! Let’s give it a go, but keep it simple!

Be Quiet- take your man to a serene outdoorsy spot or leave him alone in a room in your/his place where he can just sit and be still in body, mind a spirit. If he wants to talk, listen. If he doesn’t, that’s cool too. Just be there! If you can create a time and space where he can find peace, even if it’s just for a few minutes, he’ll appreciate you for it. Too often women take a man’s occasional desire for space and silence personally. But it’s therapeutic, he needs that time . . . we all do! Let him have it!

Cook - ladies, it’s effortless to get a man . . . it’s keeping one that’s a challenge. Aaaand you won’t keep him if you can’t cook! As archaic as it sounds, it’s still necessary. If you can’t cook, learn. If you don’t like to cook, learn to love it! If you’re still learning, garnish the hell out of a simple dish! Ask him to make a menu of his favorite meals, make them your own and prepare them with love. “Through his stomach” is a real route if you’re trying to get to his heart.

Show Love - acknowledge his efforts and the things he does. A lot of women think, “why should I have to applaud him for doing the things he’s supposed to do.” Well, you don’t have to — just like he didn’t have to change the oil in your car, hook up your TV or fix the dishwasher. A simple “thank you, baby” or “what would I do without you?” or “I appreciate you, honey” goes a long way and reminds him of why he’s does what he does for you. If you want to take it a step further, give him a shoulder massage for his hard (or not so hard) work and sometimes a good, long, tight hug is just enough.

Take Initiative - if you see your man is slipping, help the man out! If his laundry is stacked to the ceiling, sort it for him — that might be all he needs to spark the desire to wash his clothes. If you see he’s eating from the clean dishes in his sink or dishwasher, put them away. If he’s been talking about revamping resume and has yet to do so, tell him to shoot it your way and trick it out. Be his number one cheerleader and you won’t lose . . . nor will he!

So, even for the fellas, it’s the little things that mean so much! And, as quiet as it’s kept, they’re creatures of emotion also. Even though we express them differently, we all want the same things so, keep it simple and warm!

What are your thoughts, readers? Please leave them below!

Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships 

Sextra: Kink or Crossing the Line?

Happy almost Friday, fellow blogger readers! Sorry for the delay in recent post. I did a lightening pole on an open forum. Took me a couple of days to gather my research tehee.I was compelled to do a little asking around about what’s too much in the bedroom. Kinky sex is necessary sometimes to keep things exciting, but there’s that ambiguous threshold that’s sometimes crossed when your partner takes things just a little too far. Blame it on the heat of the moment if you want, but it’s hard to recover from awkward “where did you learn that” or “why would you do that” bedroom moments. Of course, the best way to avoid such headaches is communication, but you’re never prepared for that moment until it arises. Again, it’s a matter of individual preference and it’s natural to test the sensual boundaries from time to time. So is it kinky or crossing the line? Take a look at what some of my bloggers had to say!

Spanking

I love it when my man grabs and smacks my booty. I like the feeling of being handled, especially when he’s getting it from the back and he’s got my hips clutched. Like the article said yesterday, I know he’s smacking it hard too but I can’t really feel it … it stings a little but it’s a good pain, I guess. I love getting tapped but I’m a hands only kind of girl. What I can’t get into is the whips and paddles … but I have been spanked with a hairbrush getting freaky in the bathroom! It was fun I didn’t mind it so much. Keisha, 26

I’m not getting spanked, I mean come on. But I’ll do it. Paddles and whips or whatever, not so much. Personally, I would feel slighted if a woman wanted me to use a paddle or whip on her because she’s then focused on a paddle and not me. Call me selfish but I want her to be focused on me, my hands or whatever else I decide smack that (booty) with. Marcus, 37

Bondage

I had this guy who was really into the ball gags and bondage roping. I thought that was something only white people do but he was really into it. It tripped me out because I wasn’t sure what to think about it. I said I wasn’t into it but he wanted me to tie him up, which was cool. But he really freaked me out when he wanted to be gagged with a ball that you strap to his mouth. And I thought I was freak! He freaked me under the table. That was just too much for me. Reese, 31

I’m going to tell you like this, I tried it once and that’s all I needed. Never again. I’ll cuff my lady and have my way with her because I like to be in control that way. Uh, but ropes and gag balls and masks are just too much. That’s not freaky that’s sick. I think when you get into that kind of thing it ruins the natural act of sex and intimacy. Cuffs and blindfolds, all day but I’m not with the heel that licking b.s. Bryan, 28

Choking

Now I was so against choking the man I’m seeing now put me onto it. He did it in a way that wasn’t too threatening. He’s an aggressive kind of man to begin with so when he did it the first time I was like ‘oh (snap). This is fun!’ I love it now and he chokes me all the time but not to a point where I can’t breathe. Like Mike Baisden says, ‘choke me ’till I’m woozy’ not ’till I pass out. Anita, 27

See I was into to the choking for a while until this one guy really scared me. And we were having pretty good sex up until that particular instance. We were into it and I said, you know, ‘choke me.’ Girl, his eyes lit up like it was Christmas and he choked me so hard and was saying, ‘take this (man part) like a (lady of the night)’ and ‘I knew you were a freak like me.’ But I was really turned off by this and never called him back. I know I asked for it, but I don’t want to be play raped either, you know? Michelle, 32

Dirty Talk

I’m okay with nasty talk. I like it when my boyfriend tells me to say his name or curses at me – I know it sounds crazy- but I love it when he curses and tell me what to do. It’s a mind game for me and I love to do what he tells me to do. Like when he says ‘put that (booty) up and (bang) this (man part’). That really turns me on. I love it! But no name calling! Ebony, 25

A woman can never say anything too freaky to me. Whatever she says, I like it! I don’t think women understand how nasty the mind of a man is. We love that super freaky (stuff) so please don’t be shy. You can moan it, scream it, shout it, whisper … I don’t care. Just make sure you put a ‘Daddy’ or ‘Papi’ at the end of that, and don’t forget to tell me who’s (lady part) it is. Is that too much to ask? I’ll do whatever your little freaky heart desires, it’s all about you baby. J.T., 32

Oral

Don’t gag me. I’m all for the hair pulling and deep throating and I’ll even let you finish. What I will not tolerate is you forcibly grabbing the back of my head and shoving your piece down my throat until I choke and gag. That is totally crossing the line and is completely disrespectful. Out of line. That’s just taking it too far and it’s a violation! Don’t like it. Reina, 28

Sweetheart, I am guilty of your complaint several times over. When you describe it that like, that’s pretty ruff. You don’t like that? That’s a part of the fun! To each her own, but open your mouth and say something! Okay, okay! I’m guilty of it. I hear you loud and clear. I’ll be better about that. Reina’s Boyfriend, 33

Weight in reader, let me know what you think. Are you kinky, freaky, prudish, sneaky freak or just plain ole boring?!?!?!
Oral Sex He'll Never Forget: 52 Positions and Techniques Guaranteed to Blow Your Man Away  Oral Sex She'll Never Forget: 50 Positions and Techniques That Will Make Her Orgasm Like She Never Has Before  Mastering Multiple Position Sex: Mind-Blowing Lovemaking Techniques That Create Unforgettable Orgasms   Amazing Deal! 2 Pleasuring Vibrating Condom Rings, Set of 2 Rings for Her Pleasure and Yours 

10 Reasons Why Black Women Should Date Outside Their Race

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This topic seems like such a dead horse that keeps getting beaten, over and over again. But if you’re a woman, who happens to be African American, who also happens to be single, this is probably a scenario that crosses your mind more often as time progresses without a partner. Besides, black men date other races effortlessly so what’s the hold up for us sistas? Once you get past the not so chocolate brown skin and paler scrotums, men of other races are pretty much the same, right? Wrong. How often have you heard ” I’ve dated a (_____) guy, but I couldn’t sleep with him.” Every woman from Black, White, Asian, Latina to Middle Eastern love black men, but black women, however, tend to be exclusive to their own when it comes to dating. But is it in vain? Are the odds even in a black woman’s favor to acquire a black man or should they explore other options for a chance at relationship longevity? I  asked my fellow bloggers in a blogger forum and this is what they had to say:

1. I don’t think black women should date outside their race, and that goes for the men too! There just aren’t enough strong black families out there, man. It’s heartbreaking. We’re a dying race and I just don’t see why black men are so quick to cross over to other races when they haven’t even given sistas a chance. But I guess that’s why we should eventually get used to the idea of multi-racial families because there aren’t enough black men to go around. And that’s too bad, just a sad state of affairs, man. Nicole, 32, Finance

2. As a person whose dated a white man, I think we should start dating other men just to kind of see what’s out there. Otherwise, you’re limiting yourself and love could be staring you in the face, but he’s just not black. And I tell you what, all it takes is that one date and you’ll notice that they’re just as much a man as a black one. So it’s not the best thing to wait around for that “mandingo” ’cause pickings are slim. Alena, 26, Manager

3. I’m not sure that I can really encourage black women not to date a black man. I personally have an affinity for my own, but I can only speak for myself. I think that if it’s a situation where the chemistry is undeniable, then go for it. But I’m more of an advocate of black man, woman and child. But these days love is blind, so I guess to each his own. I’ll never hate on love. Keith, 31, Construction

4. Why continue to set yourself up for a down fall? In this day and age, a good man, let alone a good black man is a rarity. So with that in mind, you’d be ignorant to put yourself through the drama of dealing with ni**as if they keep f*cking up? Try something or someone new because I gotta be honest, while I pride myself on being a good black man, most of my ni**as are not, unfortunately. Jermaine, 23, Author



5. Black women should date other races because black men have a reputation of not having their sh*t together. White men, and others, take pride in being a provider to their wife and kids. Some black men are so sorry anymore, they can’t get it together because they don’t have to, some other woman will do it for him. Now don’t get me wrong, my dad is a black man and is still very in love with my mother, they’ve been together for 30+ years. But they don’t make them like that anymore, sadly. Mimi, 29, Designer

6. I date white men and first, the myth is NOT true. Second, they spoil me more than any black man has. Third, they’re more goal oriented. A white man has it all planned out, he wants to be married by 30, have kids at 32, move to another state in a few more years, put the kids through college and finally retire with his lovely wife and travel the world. So, in my opinion, it might be the look if you want a real relationship and marriage. Courtney, 27, Registered Nurse

7. Well, I don’t really condone the idea, but honestly most black dudes are in jail, gay or have a record. I think, mathematically, it’s impossible for all black women to get a black man because of the reasons I just listed. It’s a harsh reality really, but what can you do? I would encourage black women to keep their options open and find love, no matter what they look like. Mack, 33, Mechanic

8. Ni**as date all kinds of females and so should black women! If ni**as can have their “snow bunnies” then I should I get my “Peter Cotton Tail.” It’s only fair. Go on and get you a white girl and watch how she’ll look 65 at 40 with wrinkles and vericose veins. Black don’t crack. No, in all seriousness, I’ve been single for almost two years now and I’ve never dated anyone else. I haven’t gotten to the point where I’m ready to date outside my race. So I guess I’ll be the only one who holds out until I find a black man because I know he’s out there, but as usual, he’s late as hell. Brandy, 31, Merchandising






9. Black women deserve to be more than “baby mamas” and that’s all that they have been for a while. Like how many dudes you got a child with a black woman who is all kinds of “b*tches” and “hoes,” but turn around and wife up the exotic, half-bred broad. That’s why so many women are wanting a dude to “put a ring on it” because they’re so desperate for commitment. Chicks aren’t getting any younger and don’t want to waste time in meaningless relationships, so by all means find your guy but he might not be what you’ve pictured since your childhood. Marcus, 30, Accountant

10. I say, why not? A man is a man, and we have to get over the color issue. I know it’s hard but seriously, why can’t you love someone other than a black man? It’s 2009 and race purity is so antiquated. I think black women have to stop being too picky and try. Try to date the white guy at your job who thinks you’re cute and wants to take you out, go for it! He may end up being your dream guy! Date who you want and be happy. Geeze. Zaria, 21, Med Student

What do you think my fellow bloggers? Weight in!!!

Sextra: Ladies, think: Simple.

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Is Dating A Friend’s Ex An Absolute No-No???

Here’s a subject that never gets old… Is it ever okay to date a friend’s ex???
Most people say no, but rumor has it Kim Porter pounced on her friend Misa’s man Diddy, Dame Dash scooped up Aaliyah after Jay-Z and it’s no secret that Seal Married Heidi Klum years after dating Tyra Banks.

Would you ever date a friends ex? Does it take careful negotiation and frank discussions to keep all the relationships intact? Would you ever give a friend your blessing to try your sloppy seconds after you’ve moved “On To The Next One?

I think it really depends on the feelings the person closest to you had/has for the prospective new beau and the circumstances of their past courtship. As a rule, a man or a woman should never come between true friends and generally speaking it’s not a good idea to mess with someone one of your friends slept with or officially dated, like boyfriend/girlfriend.

The main reason being is that people are territorial. Once you share bodies with someone you actually liked at some point, you sometimes feel a sense of “ownership.” Even if you don’t want to be with them anymore you might still feel “weird” knowing that now someone else is hitting that. It’s even weirder when it’s someone you know.

On the flip side, there are instances where you might truly not give a rat’s ass about the person. Maybe y’all weren’t compatible; never had sex or only did it just once; you hate their guts; or became best friends, whatever the reason, you’re cool with them seeing whomever they want—including someone you know. The only thing that’s required in that scenario is a honest conversation with your friend to make sure he or she is cool with it and then you’re good to go.

You just have to know your friend well enough to make sure they’re not just lying to save face. Because if they are and you proceed to see their old flame—thinking you have the green light—you’ll be in for a big surprise when you notice how you’re getting some serious side-eye from your friend. For the most part, this situation is harder to deal with between women. Now, I’m not saying ALL women are catty but a good majority are. #ImJustSaying. (Most) Guys on the other hand can talk things out a little better.

I think we all have people we "hooked-up" with that really we had no emotional attachment to. Just physical... I believe in the 3-R's (Recycle, reduce, reuse). So there are partners I had for 15 years. I have had honestly a few girlfriend date my leftovers... I will go on record by saying I have never done that. I am too much of a visual person. Yuck!

It’s not like I could sleep with someone for that long and not have any kind of emotions involved, but I’m a rational person. I knew I didn’t want to be with him at all; so why should I stand in his way if one of my girls wanted to offer him something I wasn’t willing to? Still, I can’t front like it wasn’t weird seeing a man I was intimate with dating someone that was the closest thing to a best friend at the time. But, again, I knew I didn’t want to be with him beyond the physical so it was pointless to cockblock on my boy.

Maybe that’s just me.

Basically, this is an issue about the statute of limitations on penis/cucci. If you’re friend had physical relationships with this guy and things just didn’t work out, depending on how deep things were he may be off the market—at least for a few a years if they were never “official” BF/GF. But if she truly has no feelings for dude and several years have passed, some could say he’s fair game with her permission just as a courtesy.
As for the whole issue of people claiming any and every person they’ve ever known as “off limits” that can be a bit impossible. We live in a day an age where we’re all are just a few FaceBook friends away of knowing each other. With that said, we’d all be off limits if we played by those rules. As long as the relationship you care about most is intact you’re straight in my book. Everyone needs to be open and honest, when you go behind someones back and sneak that makes you guilty of something which is a bitter pill to swallow. Just be honest and open with your friend, because we all know what is done in the dark WILL come to light! Just sayin'

Do you think it’s trifling to date someone your friend once had an interest in? Does it matter whether your friend was intimate with the person or not? What if the person you were interested in was your friend’s ex boyfriend/girlfriend? Is it more acceptable to date the ex of a friend if a good amount of years went by since they were together? Or are there certain lines that friends don’t cross? Would you give your blessing if a friend wanted to date an ex you didn’t care about? Do you think the friend in this letter has a right to cockblock on the writer pursuing this guy? Would you let a man/woman come between one of your friendships?

Speak your piece…



Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back!Dating Game #4: Ex-Rating (No. 4)  Boundaries in Dating: Making Dating Work  Stop Dating the Church!: Fall in Love with the Family of God (Lifechange Books)  What Women Wish You Knew about Dating: A Single Guy's Guide to Romantic Relationships