Old- Fashion Phased Out? A List of Things Women Don’t Do Anymore …

Good day, my fellow bloggers! Welcome to another Thursday eve. The topic of discussion today is old-school versus new school. For the people who are grown today, the days of answering machines and busy signals were real. There was no TV in every room, there wasn’t a plethora of entertainment devices to choose from to kill some time and, in this day and age, too much time! Long gone are the days where you have to wait for anything but is that good or bad? We’re in paradoxical times because there are some of us who are fine with ditching old-school or old-fashioned practices while others are nostalgic for the “good-old-days” when things weren’t so complicated and convoluted with other forces. It goes without saying that this translates to romance, dating and marriage too! So, many want to know, how do we bridge the gap? Can two people come together and find a happy medium between new and old? Last week we got the ladies opinion and, as promised, this week we asked some of our male readers what women of this generation don’t do that they used to do back in the day and how times have changed! Take a look! And by the way I don't mind the cater to you attitude as long as he is going what he needs to be doing. But enough about me. ;-)

Women don’t cook anymore man! What’s good with that? My sisters and aunties always have baked goods on deck — cookies, cupcakes, cakes and pies for me and brothers. If they know we’re coming over they’re like, “what you want to eat?” When I was growing up, all the women in my family cooked. The men would watch sports and do yard work and handy work and sh*t but women these days want you to do it all. This one chick asked me “when are you going to cook for me?” Which I don’t mind doing but I hadn’t even taken her out yet! That’s what she wanted me to do for her off rip. Man, I was like, “do you cook?” and she said no! What are women teaching their little girls these days? It’s definitely not how to keep a man. – Steve, 33

Women don’t behave like ladies anymore. When I go out I see woman loud-talking, cussing, shaking their as*es , FIGHTING each other! No man wants a woman that keeps drama around her or invites it into her life by way of her attitude or by the way she carries herself. Being with a woman should be enjoyable, fun, fulfilling. A good woman will teach a man something — whether it’s about himself, love or life in general. I’m so glad I don’t have to worry about that anymore, dating seems like a dead end street. I love my wife. - Kevin, 36

They don’t give you anything to look forward to. They’re too quick to give up all the goods. You’d be amazed at how fast women get down these days. It don’t take much work or effort. Here’s what kills me too, they like to get f*cked. They’re not into romance and taking things slow, they want to get pounded. It’s just too easy! Being easy to get into bed is only sexy for the moment, you know? I would say that, in this day and age, if a man takes his time to have sex with a woman, he’s probably really feeling her. - Melvin, 31

Well, from what I see women don’t know how to take care of a man. My mother still cooks, fixes my father’s plate and gives him back rubs. My mother knows her role as the woman of the house and my father is the man, there was never any confusion about it. Women are so hellbent on being this independent “I can do it myself” kind of woman but sometimes a man wants to be that guy you call to the rescue? He wants to be you’re superhero. He wants to be your rock but woman are too “I can do it myself.”- Wesley, 29

Well, they don’t trust men. They don’t trust a man to be a man and that inhibits us from being the man they want us to be. They be acting so hard and woman are supposed to be soft. Not to say that she shouldn’t think for herself or speak her mind but there’s a way to do it and still be feminine. Women used to take pride in the way they present themselves. If it was a home-cooked meal, the served it up with candles and place settings. If they invited you over, their house was clean and fresh smelling. I think that’s what’s missing in today’s women, they lack the inclination to do these things. They don’t really set a solid, womanly tone. -Murray, 35

Women don’t take men’s shoes off anymore. I used to see my grandmother do it for my grandfather when I was growing up and my father started to do it for my Mom. She always thought it was the strangest thing and she would say, “well, you’ve been working all day, let me take yours off.” So, as a kid, I would always see my Mom and Dad on opposite ends of the couch taking each other’s shoes off and rubbing each other’s feet. I took that for granted because most women be like “you can take your own damn shoes off, n*gga.” But I get the purpose of it now, it was basically saying plant yourself here at home with me where you belong. It’s a really deep, loving gesture. -Jason, 30

What are your thoughts blog readers? Ladies, in particular, please leave your thoughts! Do you find this to be true or a little embellished?

Please remember to e-mail all your topic suggestions, feedback and questions to msstephaniehill@hotmail.com

Damn, What Do You Really Want?

  

Hiya!!! I am back my friends! Did you miss me??? Sorry for the M I A you know how it goes... LIFE

Anywho, Good evening, Blog Readers! Here’s to another “Almost Monday Fun day!” After reading through some of my love and relationships articles, one of my male readers sent in a passionate e-mail explaining his position and how he doesn’t “get women.” Seriously, how many times have we had this conversation with a close friend and/or family member(s). This discussion is not gender specific either because women say the don’t understand men either!

In the e-mail the man expressed the notion of “women say they want a man that does this and that and when they find him, he’s too soft or too nice or isn’t quite rough around the edges enough.” He went on to tell a story about how he had invested his time in a relationship only to find that the women he was dating was still sleeping with her ex and her excuse was, “you’re always working and never spend time with me. This is where I’m confused! You say you want a man with a job, car and his own place and as a man, that’s what I’m supposed to do! I’m 32-years-old and women don’t motivate me to do that sh*t for myself. I take care of myself!! I’m in good shape and I’m mentally sound! What am I missing here?” He described himself and eligibility in few words, “I’m no pretty boy Billy D and I’m not a thug but I’m a man who knows how to treat a woman. Damn what do you really want??” Do you even know? I’m convinced that women don’t know what they want and that’s why men suffer.”

The statement is as simple as the topic is complex! Can we prevent pain and “suffrage” by knowing what we want and are willing to compromise? Are you realistic in your thought processes? Or, are we so caught up in a feeling, connection or chemistry — so blinded by love our standards and expectations take a back seat? That is until the flame defuses and you find that the two of you might not have so much in common (other than attraction) and he/she is not the “one.” So we asked a few of our lady readers, “what do you want in man?” Not surprisingly, it was hard for some to articulate what they want versus what they don’t want. And some know, without and shadow if a doubt, what they want in a partner.

In conclusion, he said, ” I challenge your woman readers to speak up and say with conviction, what they want.” Take a look and please discuss!

Wow, why is that such a hard question? I can tell you what I don’t want, for sure. What do I want? Hmm, I absolutely know what I don’t want and that’s a scrub. What I mean by that is, I want my man to know what it means to be a man. I’m not a needy chick so don’t take me not calling for a day personally. Or expect me to be the problem solver in the relationship. I want a man with a job and drive! I want him to have direction, like, I don’t want to have to show him the way to his own success because , if I do, then he’ll want me to do everything else for him. I want him to be as established as I am so we can match each other instead of compete, does that make sense? That’s what I want! – Teresa, 29

I want a man with a dream. I want him to chase his dreams like I do mine. I want him to know what he wants and how to go about getting what he wants, I only want to be the enhancement or the person on the sidelines cheering, I don’t want to be the work slave! I do believe it can be equal but as long as we share similar goals like being a parent, home ownership or big business! We just need to be on the same page, futuristically. If he’s all bark and no bite, I don’t want it. But if he’s focused but can still find time for me, he’s perfect! I just want him to want what he’s after like I am and we’ll be good! - Kelly, 28

Really, I want a man who’s not weak. I don’t want that dude that gets with a white girl because he’s looking for an easy way out of his problems, you know what I’m saying? I don’t want that dude that spends more time with the next broad than he does his own seed. I don’t want a weak-willed man who’s influenced by all the dumb a*s videos and reality TV. If he don’t know that that sh*t is fantasy then I can’t f*ck with him because he’s operating off a totally different principle. If he don’t want the real, then he don’t need to f*ck with me. I tell you what, the real reason why black men are into all kinds of other broads is because they stopped being scared of us. Not saying they should have ever been but you remember that damaging cartoon with the big-breasted black woman talking reckless on the porch, that was a design and a whole different conversation. But, for real, they stopped wanting to please black women and we got too arrogant. Like if you raise your voice or bust the windows out his car he’ll get right . . . no! He can get a bunch of other b*tches that will s*ck his d*ck and all that without the drama. If a man can recognize that, then, in my opinion, he’s not sleeping. What was the question, again? - Lady, 33

I want a man that wants more than he has and acts accordingly. If he didn’t have a man in his life, then I want him to be all he desired for his kids and not fall back on the “I didn’t have a father” excuse. I want a man’s man that knows what a woman wants instinctually. I want him to take care of himself while caring about the people in his life including me. I want a man that can rock me to tears in the bedroom and ignite a passion in me that only he can fuel. I think real men know how to do that but let’s be clear, a man like that is a man of God. He’s gotta be a God-fearing man to please a real woman. - Sandra, 29

Stay tuned for what the fellows responses next week!!!

Why Do the Kids Have to Suffer?

Dear Steph, I need a little help from you and your readers. I divorced my husband 4 years ago and I’m just now getting readjusted to living the single life. There were a number of reasons why we ended up having to divorce, one being he was unfaithful on a number of occasions and the second is because he lacked the drive to make something of himself. We got married when we were 21 and I was in college while he was cutting hair here and there and dabbled in real estate. Well after we had our 2 kids before the age of 30, my husband decided he wanted to be a rapper and started hanging around in random studios and “touring” with another local rapper. Needless to say that got old pretty fast and I was wanting more. Mind you, in the meantime I got my Master’s, bought a house and was holding down the fort by providing and putting in the work hours. However, let me be clear, I didn’t do it for him I did it for my kids. After a while I really got tired of him not wanting more for himself and being a better example for our kids. I guess the problem was I grew up and he did not. Plus the women that were in his phone and calling all hours of the night was the last straw. Well it’s been 4 years since we split and I’m loving life and he immediately moved into a tiny apartment with one of his bust downs and that’s fine with me because I don’t want or need anything from him. I feel so free not having to deal with him and our kids are at an age where they can coordinate when they want to spend time with him without me having to be involved until they need to be picked up or dropped off. Where I think I’m messing up is I allow him to come over and spend time with the kids only because sometimes I feel more at ease knowing they’re home. But lately he keeps trying me and talking nonsense whenever I see him. He says things like “well, you need to give us another chance” or “all you have to do is say the word and I’m back” but I don’t want him! I’ve even grown to like his current girlfriend a little only because she’s good to my kids. What I don’t like is that when I tell him I’m not interested in getting back with him and that our time has run its course, he gets mad and takes it out on the kids by not calling or making good on his word to them. I think it’s disgusting that I almost have to play along and flirt with his little insinuations to get him to come through for the kids! I’m over him, I want him in the kids life but it seems like more of a hassle than anything else. Do you have any input or advice for situations like these?

Hello to you, sis! Thank you for writing in and sharing your story! Ahhh, the classic “you never miss a good thing until it’s gone” story at its best, right? And, sis, you have proven that another saying is also true, “success is the best revenge!” One can only admire the strides you’ve made and the example you’ve set for your children . . . and, obviously, your ex-husband is feeling the loss! If he has an ounce of intelligence, he’s probably wishing he had done things differently and could only hope for another chance with you but, in his heart, he knows he doesn’t have a fighting chance at this point unless he makes more than a few changes in his life. So far, “Easy Street” seems to be where he’s most comfortable, unfortunately. Without knowing the logistics of the divorce, he’s got it made in comparison to others in the same situation! All you ask of him is time and attention to devote to the kids and nothing more!

So, what it sounds like is, you’ve got troubles establishing solid boundaries at this juncture in your relationship. Although you two are divorced, you will have to deal with each other until the kids are grown, so it’s best to firmly enforce your boundaries and expectations without hesitation. If he’s talking slick to you and taking it out on your kids when you don’t entertain him, then that speaks volumes of his selfish character! Your romantic involvement, or lack thereof, with him should not, in any way, dictate his parenting! True, it’s awkward in times of transition but he’s had four years to adjust to the divorce and has moved on with his life! You’re deserving of the same freedom, so don’t even fool around with his shenanigans for a second! Divert any and all his innuendos and refocus the conversation back to the kids! All communication should be strictly business . . . i.e. the kids!

But here’s the deal, you clearly have a place in his heart and mind so use your position wisely. In most, cases, there’s normally a point or position that cannot be argued because it makes too much sense and you can’t argue truth and fact. Tell him straight up, “hey, you know what? Our marriage ran its course and I’m ready to move on with my life! You’ve moved on, so why can’t I?” Tell him the kids should not have to suffer because you don’t want to rekindle a romantic relationship with him and stress the fact that, at some point, he’s going to have to answer to his absence! Tell him he will no longer be welcomed in your house if he can’t adhere to the visitation schedule. Be firm in the idea that you want nothing from him outside of him being a father to the kids. But you must tell him without wavering . . . you have to be firm, ma, no “flirting!” He’ll come around to it in due time if you stick to your guns, so stay strong, sis! Stay strong and keep living! My thing is always know your worth! I can't say that enough...

What are your thoughts, blogger Fam? Please share them below!

To Date or Not to Date a single Mother/Father

Hello my fellow bloggers and readers. Happy Monday, I hope you all had a great weekend, I know I did! My Raiders won, Seahawks looked like shit, o'well I digress... .  I think today is going to be a good day... Alright let's dig in shall we? This topic is a very touchy topic either way, it’s a topic that’s clearly worthy of discussion. Generally, according to the responses, single people without children feel that single parents spoil their kids, are overprotective of them and too lax in disciplining them. Now, single parents, as a rule, wear the hats of both parents and find a way singlehandedly balance two-part parental tasks everyday. They don’t get breaks or 15-20 minute breathers each day, from sunup to sundown they’re ripping and running. It’s not easy but some make it look effortless. Then there are the single people who are responsible only for themselves, come and go wherever and whenever they want and answer to no one. They can work overtime, hit the happy hour or the gym after work, take weekend trips and sleep in on the weekends. These two lifestyles are like night and day. They are on two opposite ends of the spectrum and in no way similar. While single parents may long for the single life for just one night, single people may long for a family to come home to. So when the two lifestyles merge, where do you find the balance? How soon is too soon to introduce your children to a person of interest? Once the relationship is established, does the family newcomer have a say in how you discipline your children and, if so, to what extent? Communication is key, as always, but even though boundaries are communicated, until the situation arises how do you know you’re comfortable with the terms that were discussed? Dealing with children is a sensitive matter and, naturally, parents will protect them by any means necessary even if the third party means well. Not the mention the angst the third party may feel by being attached to a child, or in yesterday’s case, disliking the child. The situation is complicated, no doubt, but is it complicated enough to reject or refuse to date a man or woman with a child or children? I myself am a single mother, I typically don't date men who don't have kids. But my last two relationships the men didn't have kids... To me people without kids just don't get it....

I was married for seven years and have three children with my ex-husbnad. My oldest son is 11 and my youngest is 5. We’ve been divorced for four years and I think dating, for me, is out of the question. As crazy as it may sound, if I date again, I don’t want to date a man with children. I’d prefer to date a single man because I know for a fact that I can’t love anyone else’s kids like I love my own, so don’t ask me to and that’s the honest truth. And I wouldn’t expect a man to love my kids like my ex-husband does. I just can’t see it. Maybe when the baby goes off to college I might have a chance but until then, it’s the single life for me. -Sonia, 37

I’ll be honest, I used to go out of my way not to date women with kids. Like, for example, I’m not with a chick having three kids by three different dudes. To me, that just shows she’s got poor decision making skills, you know? But I say that to say that every story is different and the woman I’m seeing now has a son who’s 8. He’s really smart and goofy and carefree but he’s a cool lil’ dude. She didn’t even let me meet him until about 6 months into it. She invited me to one of his games or whatever and he was checking me out, like, ‘who are you and why are you here?’ But I was okay with that and got to know him. Now I take him to the barber shop and to his practices . . . home depot, it don’t matter. He’s alright with me but I had to earn his trust and I understood that from the door. And before I came around, he used to get over on her and knew how to really work her and I just sat back and watched. After he did or said whatever, I would ask her if I could go talk to the little man and she would be like, ‘why? What you got to say to my son?’ We argued about it a few times but now she’ll say, “can you go and talk some sense into him, please?” We’re good now but it took time and a certain level of trust. I think it’s all about your approach. - Jay, 33

Well, most of the men I’ve dated had children. Most men have children I thought. But over time I’ve learned to see how serious a man with children is. I don’t want to meet your kid unless I can meet the mother of said child or children. If he says he wants me to meet his kids then I’m like ‘well, I want to meet the mother first.’ My sister is a single mother and she’s moved on but her daughter’s father always has a new women around their three-year-old which isn’t cool. She stresses the fact that she just wants to meet whoever will be in her child’s presence only because she has allergies to certain foods and wants to communicate what she can and cannot eat. I, personally, don’t want to be responsible for a child being hospitalized or injured under my care so that’s why I stress meeting the mama. If he says, ‘she’s crazy’ and this and that all that means is, they’re probably still f*cking. He’s not handling his fatherly business and/or he has yet to set the tone of their interaction. They always tell on themselves, so I just listen. -Rae, 27

I was reading through some of the comments in yesterday’s post and I was appalled at the number of women who felt a wife should come before children. It’s painfully obvious that most of the women who said that don’t have kids or they’re selfish parents. I have two and me and my wife would take a bullet before we let anything happen to our children. A love for your child is completely different from the love you share with someone else. I love my children in a way that I could never love my wife and she feels the same way. We both understand that our needs take a backseat to the kids. I think that’s the problem though, too many parents don’t put their children first. And the single parents who date people with no kids always end up feeling like ‘you have no clue. You just don’t get it’ because if you don’t have kids, you can’t understand the love a mother or father has for a child. The women who wrote the letter yesterday is a perfect example. How you gon’ dictate how he should discipline his daughter? She’s clueless. I say, single folks should date other singles and single parents should date single parents. Problem solved. - James, 35

What are your thoughts, blogger fam? Please share them below!

Kindle Wireless Reading Device, Wi-Fi, 6" Display, Graphite - Latest Generation (I really want one of these)  Dating for Dads: The Single Father's Guide to Dating Well Without Parenting Poorly Single Parenting That Works: Six Keys to Raising Happy, Healthy Children in a Single-Parent Home  

Things to come once I get not looky lous but participants on my blog

So... we all know with modern technolgy I can tell how many visitors I get on my blog right?? Cant yet see whom they are but I know how many clicks I get.. Whelp with that said, I have soooo much to talk about, debate, piss off, judge, slam about I want people who will participate in the discussions.. Because guess what? the shit I add on here takes some coding! this isn't facebook or myspace! People who blog actually have to know what the fuck they are doing i.e. html coding etc to post stuff!
Back to my title...

Up coming topics once I have people who are not peekers but SPEAKERS...

1) How many womem "fake" not knowing the 'game' (women who date men who THINK they are running game on them, but the whole time we see thru there fake asses). But again we might not need to talk about that because I think men honestly think their lame ass game is working. shuck and jive ladies!!!!!!

2) Who cheats better, women or men?????? again, once I get more participants I will speak on this. For my friends, they KNOW I have a lot to say. But the dead silence on my page, seeing how many views I get, naw no fair. Participate or get the fuck off my page. real talk!

3) At the tender age of *beep* I have never, nor do I now, have the dreams of white picket fences, two kids and a smelly ass dog??? WHAT THE FUK ME IS WRONG WITH MI?

Mic drops exit stage left! or whatever horse you rode on in... beat it! Your mommy needs to blow your nose for you!

Sextra: I Don’t Like Getting Head (Chronicle II)

Hello my fellow bloggers today is Friday! whoot whoot! I am posting a question from a friend of mine. Good read I hope you enjoy.
I am 35 years old and I love sex just like the next man. I’ve been with my girl for a year and I love her but I don’t know how to get her to understand that not every man needs to get head all the time to be sexually fulfilled.I know I am not alone in this but she’s never been with a man like myself. I’ve just never been a gotta have head kinda dude. I absolutely love wild, circus monkey sex but I don’t need head. As a matter of fact I can do without it, it’s cool but It’s not what I need to get me in a zone, all I need is her and I give her head all the time. I like it she loves it and I feel like I’ve done my part. I understand she wants to return the favor but I don’t need it and most times don’t want it. It softens my erection and she feels bad. Not that she’s not good at it, all I want is her and for her to feel good and because she feels good, I do too. I don’t know how else to communicate to her that it’s nothing she does or doesn’t do for that matter. Women are so complicated.

---Hummmm ok my friend----
Okay, so . . . wow! You don’t like to have oral sex performed on you but your girlfriend is taking it personal. When it comes to matters of intimacy, you cannot communicate enough! “I’m just not a head kind of guy” is probably not enough of an explanation for her grasp the concept of you not wanting oral sex. She may be feeling as though you’re letting her down easy or that you don’t like her style, regardless of how much you try to convince her otherwise. Most men can’t get enough head and for your arousal to lessen as a result of it is, more than likely, a shot to her pride. I have too had a partner that didn't want me to do that to him because he looked at me as his queen and didn't think head should be given by a queen but only from, welp basically jump-offs... Since I have TMJ I really didn't mind not giving it. Yeah I said it! ha!

Ok back to you, I say thoroughly explain to her why it’s not your preference and if you don’t articulate it any better than you did in your letter, then how do you expect her to understand? Paint the picture for her! If it’s because you don’t like the look of a woman’s head in your lap, then say that! If you don’t like the noises paired with the feeling, tell her! If you take issue with the fact that she kisses you, her loved ones and, possibly, her children with her mouth, let it be known! If you haven’t already, really explore, in your own mind, what it is that turns you off about it and share it with her.

Maybe, in time, you can graduate to allowing her to orally stimulate you. Sex is give and take so you have to be open to things she likes also. Maybe you can talk her through it . . . tell her what it is that feels good about her oral work and what she could do more of, focus on what’s pleasurable, three minutes won’t kill you. BAW-HAHAHA And, over time, you might begin to appreciate the art of fellatio and that she wants to do it to you! Hope this helps and good luck to you!

What are your thoughts Steph Boggie bloggers?
Have a blessed weekend my friends! xxoo