Haha do I have your attention with my title?!?!?! Welp for those of you that know me, I love to flip the script nor am I the typical woman. I don't have commitment issues, but as a single mother I can't afford to make mistakes when it comes to dating... So to help some of my brotha's that finds themselves into a woman but she just won't commit.. Let's explore this a little bit more shall we?
So men, have you ever found yourself puzzled about a woman's intentions toward you?
You've taken her out, wined and dined her, treated her like a queen, and she still gives you the run around?
She's every thing you've ever wanted. She has beauty, class, and a great personality.
She shows you affection, answers when you call, and may even pay for a date or two.
You want her, but any time you bring up commitment she runs for the hills?
So what gives? Why won't she commit?!
Men are not the only ones who don't give titles quickly. There are a number of men who sit and ponder why the lady in their life won't accept the title "girlfriend". They are with a lady who runs hot and cold. She gives him just enough to keep him interested, but never quite all of herself. She allows him to get close, but she keeps him at a distance. Just when he thinks the chase is over and he has her, she pulls away.
You have conversations that go something like this:
YOU: I really enjoy spending time with you, and would like to see you more often.
HER: Oh that's sweet of you to say! I like spending time with you too.
YOU: You know I think about you all the time.
HER: You do?
YOU: Yes, I've been waiting to have a woman like you in my life for awhile. I can really see us being good together.
HER: Ummm...ok. Well, I think I need to make another phone call. Can we talk tomorrow?
Here's the deal. Some women just do not want to be in committed relationships. She may be at the time in her life where she's just "doing her". Which means she's dating, having fun, living life and doesn't want to be tied down to anyone. She enjoys your company, but she is not trying to answer to anyone's title. She views commitments as loss of freedom. And that is the last thing she wants.
Another reason may be that you're doing too much, without requiring anything from her. And most noncommittal women will not commit to men who don't require anything from them. You have to be blunt and set boundaries. Make love to her mind not just her body.. Most men won't understand that statement. For those of you go back to undergraduate level, I only deal with 500+ level. Now where was I? oh, do not let her use your kindness for weakness. She won't respect you. There must be balance. If you do not require anything from her, she will keep you in waiting while she looks for a man who will. Sorry ladies am I telling a little too much...
In other situations, she may feel unworthy of you. She has some issues that she's dealing with that make her question why a guy like you would want to be with her. In this situation, the commitment phobia can be calmed down with a little tender loving care. She has to heal from whatever in her past makes her feel like she doesn't deserve a man who treats her well. However, you must be in it for the long haul, because this will take time.
Whatever you do, do not indulge a noncommittal woman. She will take noncommittal to new heights and it will drive you crazy. She will make you feel like you are the only one and the best man in the world, but she will not become your girl, wife or significant other. You will forever be her friend unless you decide to go on your separate way or tap into the reason why she won't commit.
To get into the real reason why she won't commit, you have to have a strong nerve. You may not like what you hear. You may learn that you are not her ideal mate and she cannot see herself with you in the future. Just know that you deserve to be with a woman who wants to be with you. Let the choir say amend!
You should give your heart, love and time to someone who will give the same in return. If you ask not, you receive not. Make your intentions known, and let her know that there is a limit to how much time she will be allowed in your life if she insists on playing around. And whatever you do, stick to your guns.
I think I could go on with us women having our own successful careers, mothering and simply holding it down on our own, we expect more from our man. But that will be part two. :-)
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