Random Thought:

Looking forward to my Amtrax train trip tomorrow. I will be waking up early to buy a good book to just read on the train and go numb... Has any one just needed to go numb? A lot going on, this time will be well spent. Me time, thinking time.. Reflection... Some think my classiness and always wanting to be a lady is equivalent to me being weak. I am not weak.. Stronger than obviously anyone knows... Never let them see you sweat...

Why won't SHE commit?!

Haha do I have your attention with my title?!?!?! Welp for those of you that know me, I love to flip the script nor am I the typical woman. I don't have commitment issues, but as a single mother I can't afford to make mistakes when it comes to dating... So to help some of my brotha's that finds themselves into a woman but she just won't commit..  Let's explore this a little bit more shall we?

So men, have you ever found yourself puzzled about a woman's intentions toward you? 

You've taken her out, wined and dined her, treated her like a queen, and she still gives you the run around?

She's every thing you've ever wanted.  She has beauty, class, and a great personality.

She shows you affection, answers when you call, and may even pay for a date or two.

You want her, but any time you bring up commitment she runs for the hills?

So what gives? Why won't she commit?!

Men are not the only ones who don't give titles quickly.  There are a number of men who sit and ponder why the lady in their life won't accept the title "girlfriend".  They are with a lady who runs hot and cold.  She gives him just enough to keep him interested, but never quite all of herself.  She allows him to get close, but she keeps him at a distance.  Just when he thinks the chase is over and he has her, she pulls away. 

You have conversations that go something like this:

YOU:  I really enjoy spending time with you, and would like to see you more often.

HER: Oh that's sweet of you to say! I like spending time with you too.

YOU: You know I think about you all the time.

HER: You do?

YOU:  Yes, I've been waiting to have a woman like you in my life for awhile. I can really see us being good together.

HER: Ummm...ok.  Well, I think I need to make another phone call.  Can we talk tomorrow?

Here's the deal.  Some women just do not want to be in committed relationships.  She may be at the time in her life where she's just "doing her".  Which means she's dating, having fun, living life and doesn't want to be tied down to anyone.  She enjoys your company, but she is not trying to answer to anyone's title.  She views commitments as loss of freedom.  And that is the last thing she wants.

Another reason may be that you're doing too much, without requiring anything from her.  And most noncommittal women will not commit to men who don't require anything from them.  You have to be blunt and set boundaries.  Make love to her mind not just her body.. Most men won't understand that statement. For those of you go back to undergraduate level, I only deal with 500+ level. Now where was I? oh, do not let her use your kindness for weakness.  She won't respect you.  There must be balance.  If you do not require anything from her, she will keep you in waiting while she looks for a man who will. Sorry ladies am I telling a little too much...

In other situations, she may feel unworthy of you.  She has some issues that she's dealing with that make her question why a guy like you would want to be with her.  In this situation, the commitment phobia can be calmed down with a little tender loving care.  She has to heal from whatever in her past makes her feel like she doesn't deserve a man who treats her well.  However, you must be in it for the long haul, because this will take time.

Whatever you do, do not indulge a noncommittal woman.  She will take noncommittal to new heights and it will drive you crazy.  She will make you feel like you are the only one and the best man in the world, but she will not become your girl, wife or significant other.  You will forever be her friend unless you decide to go on your separate way or tap into the reason why she won't commit.

To get into the real reason why she won't commit, you have to have a strong nerve.  You may not like what you hear.  You may learn that you are not her ideal mate and she cannot see herself with you in the future.  Just know that you deserve to be with a woman who wants to be with you. Let the choir say amend!

You should give your heart, love and time to someone who will give the same in return.  If you ask not, you receive not.  Make your intentions known, and let her know that there is a limit to how much time she will be allowed in your life if she insists on playing around.  And whatever you do, stick to your guns.

I think I could go on with us women having our own successful careers, mothering and simply holding it down on our own, we expect more from our man. But that will be part two. :-)

Kiss and Run: The Single, Picky, and Indecisive Girl's Guide to Overcoming Fear of Commitment

How to Cure a Committment Phobic

When the Man in Your Life Can't Commit: Recognizing the Signs of a Commitment-Phobe and What You Can Do About It

Study: Overweight Men Can “Lay The Pipe” For Long Periods Of Time While Lean Men Ejaculate Prematurely

According to a recent study, “plus-sized” men can pleasure women for longer periods of time when compared to athletic types:

Happy Friday bloggers! Going thru some rough times, so I need to write! Clear my mind! Here is something a little different than my typical post. But still on the subject of sex!! A friend of mine said to me I write about sex a lot. Why not write about what you know? And although many don't admit it we all love sex, or to look at sex. I think for some who don't they've never had good sex... hummm just a thought... Any who I digress, let's get started shall we...

 Fat men last longer in bed, while lean gym jocks are prone to premature ejaculation, a new study has found. The scientific research, from Erciyes University in Turkey, found that men with excess body fat develop more female sex hormones that influence their sexual performance. Men with high fat levels were found to have higher levels of the female sex hormone oestradiol, which disrupts the chemical balance in their body, making them last longer during sex. Oh boi ladies...

The survey’s results found fat men could last an average of 7.3 minutes during love making, while others only lasted 1.8 minutes. To find the results, researchers spent a year recording the body mass index (BMI) of more than 100 patients referred for specialist treatment. They compared these results with 100 other male patients who lasted longer during sex.

Results concluded that the men needing treatment for premature ejaculation had lower BMI scores, meaning they were fitter.

“We found that premature ejaculators were leaner,” the report stated.

Wow, ladies…so literally, Which One Would You Hit??? A man-boobilicious overweight guy who can stroke it all night long, or a fine ass athletic “1.8 minute” man???? SMH. Not going to put my business out there but I prefer a fit man and I have had a couple of overweight men and they didn't last as long as my fit men. Not even close...

Source

Sex Drive Big beautiful women: the body size preferences of male fat admirers.(Report): An article from: The Journal of Sex Research Sex, Drugs, Dope, Murder, Mayhem... The United II Tour

Are men more EMOTIONAL than women???

Hello my fellow Bloggers happy Labor Day weekend. I am not feeling to well, so let't write!! So, over the last decade or so, neuroscientists have been researching the ever-mysterious emotional differences between men and women. As myth has it, men aren’t “in touch with their emotions and hardly express them” while women “wear their emotions on their sleeve” and cry at any given moment. In the realm of sex, it is also believed that there is a hint of emotional engagement for women by default. Well, guess what? That’s not true! In fact, quite the opposite. According to an article in Scientific American, recent studies have concluded, MEN show more activity in the emotional regions of the brain during sex while women, on the other hand, show NONE. No signs of emotional activity during sex and during an orgasm. Well, then why does she laugh, shed tears or get reflective afterwards, one might ask? And the answer is in the question . . . afterwards, when the brain returns to it’s standard state, emotions might rush in. Simple. Okay, to approach this theory from another vantage point, another study shows men are more apt to emotional suffrage in relationships than woman! According toScience Daily, the reason this true is because “their romantic partners are often their primary source of intimacy — in contrast to young women who are more likely to have close relationships with family and friends.”

Hmm, makes perfectly good, non-emotional, logical man-sense, does it not? Think about it, everybody has a male companion or family member that’s suffered through a love lost . . . and they take it pretty rough, right? The man can’t eat nor sleep. He might lose weight and regularly drown his sorrows with liquor in remembrance of “the time we had.” If it’s really bad, he’ll graduate to drunken texts and phone calls searching for answers. Men are lovesick for weeks and, sometimes, months after a breakup! It’s hard for them to let go too! Now, that’s not to discredit or degrade the integrity of a man but more so to prove that when they love, they love hard and strong because their emotions are invested! Unfortunately, they tend to love and invest in the wrong ones but that’s a different subject. So, ladies . . . maybe a little extra sensitivity and tenderness will go a long way with men after all! Let’s give it a go, but keep it simple!

Be Quiet- take your man to a serene outdoorsy spot or leave him alone in a room in your/his place where he can just sit and be still in body, mind a spirit. If he wants to talk, listen. If he doesn’t, that’s cool too. Just be there! If you can create a time and space where he can find peace, even if it’s just for a few minutes, he’ll appreciate you for it. Too often women take a man’s occasional desire for space and silence personally. But it’s therapeutic, he needs that time . . . we all do! Let him have it!

Cook - ladies, it’s effortless to get a man . . . it’s keeping one that’s a challenge. Aaaand you won’t keep him if you can’t cook! As archaic as it sounds, it’s still necessary. If you can’t cook, learn. If you don’t like to cook, learn to love it! If you’re still learning, garnish the hell out of a simple dish! Ask him to make a menu of his favorite meals, make them your own and prepare them with love. “Through his stomach” is a real route if you’re trying to get to his heart.

Show Love - acknowledge his efforts and the things he does. A lot of women think, “why should I have to applaud him for doing the things he’s supposed to do.” Well, you don’t have to — just like he didn’t have to change the oil in your car, hook up your TV or fix the dishwasher. A simple “thank you, baby” or “what would I do without you?” or “I appreciate you, honey” goes a long way and reminds him of why he’s does what he does for you. If you want to take it a step further, give him a shoulder massage for his hard (or not so hard) work and sometimes a good, long, tight hug is just enough.

Take Initiative - if you see your man is slipping, help the man out! If his laundry is stacked to the ceiling, sort it for him — that might be all he needs to spark the desire to wash his clothes. If you see he’s eating from the clean dishes in his sink or dishwasher, put them away. If he’s been talking about revamping resume and has yet to do so, tell him to shoot it your way and trick it out. Be his number one cheerleader and you won’t lose . . . nor will he!

So, even for the fellas, it’s the little things that mean so much! And, as quiet as it’s kept, they’re creatures of emotion also. Even though we express them differently, we all want the same things so, keep it simple and warm!

What are your thoughts, readers? Please leave them below!

Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships 

Sextra: Ancient Techniques for Steamy All Nighters

Good day, Blogger readers! Let’s talk sex! Sex and sexuality have been a part of society and cultures around the world since the beginning of time. With the passing of time, naturally, evolution is to be expected, but some things never change as adage states, “there is nothing new under the sun” including man and woman’s natural desire for sexual pleasure.

Now, in ancient times sex was more than just an hour of sweaty romping that ends with two breathless bodies, one of which is sure to fall asleep within minutes. Keep in mind sex in the U.S. lasts a total of 17 minutes on average. But think about it, Kama Sutra and Tantric sex were created thousands of year ago by people who had no technological distractions. There was no Sports Center to turn on after a session, no Play Stations, no internet, so what did they do at night for hours at a time? You already know. But sex, in those times, was intimate and mediative, a spiritual experience each and every time. It was about connecting with your partner on another plane and transcending beyond the flesh. This was a process that took hours which resulted in explosive orgasms … together. Did you know that tantric practitioners believe that male ejaculation was to be controlled in order to experience multiple orgasms? They were all about a heightened sense of sexual energy!

The word tantra means “to weave together” and/or “to expand” so with that in mind, let’s apply these ancient practices to modern sexuality! Take a look at a few of these tantric tips to enhance your sexual experience with your loved one!

Quick Tip: tantric techniques are all about control. Practitioners believe that male ejaculation is draining, so the point is to learn to control ejaculatory urges by understanding the flow of your sexual energy. You must take your time and be as relaxed and comfortable as possible.

Breath Control - this is by far the most essential tool of tantric practice. Practice breathing steady and resist the urge to pant. When you’re huffing or holding your breath, you climax quicker. But to enhance your arousal, breathe slow and deep. When two people inhale and exhale on the same beat at the same time, it connects the two on a deeper level and will take your lovemaking to unimaginable heights. Relaxation is key!

Testicle Tweak - fellas, when you feel like you’re about to let loose, pull your testicles down and away from your body. You can practice this in your private moments alone with yourself or while you’re with your lady, she can do the honors if you’re willing. The idea is to learn how to feel pleasure without ejaculating.

Tip Compression - to maintain and prolong your erection, gently squeeze just below the tip of the penis. Explore this technique because every body is different so the pressure point may by a little above or below the tip. Again, have your lady help you find the spot. This is also good because women can learn the pleasure zones that are specific to her man.

Carefully Choose Position Variations - position changes can make or break your ability to control ejaculation so to make it last, chose wisely. Tantric practices use position switch to create a new escalation of sexual pleasure with the change of rhythm and sensation in order to overcome the urge to climax. This is a good way to find positions that are unique to you and your lover.

Be One - the whole point of these practices is to enhance intimacy with your partner and connect on a more spiritual level. The union of body, mind and soul with your lover. This will inevitably bring you closer as a unit and solidify your trust with one another.

So try something new and have fun getting to know your partner on another level!

Weight in reader whatcha think.....

The Modern Kama Sutra: The Ultimate Guide to the Secrets of Erotic PleasureThe Complete Idiot's Guide to Supercharged Kama Sutra Illustrated Ancient  Techniques for Healing & Pain Relief The Heart of Tantric Sex: A Unique Guide to Love and Sexual Fulfillment Tantric Secrets for Men: What Every Woman Will Want Her Man to Know about Enhancing Sexual Ecstasy

Sextra: Kink or Crossing the Line?

Happy almost Friday, fellow blogger readers! Sorry for the delay in recent post. I did a lightening pole on an open forum. Took me a couple of days to gather my research tehee.I was compelled to do a little asking around about what’s too much in the bedroom. Kinky sex is necessary sometimes to keep things exciting, but there’s that ambiguous threshold that’s sometimes crossed when your partner takes things just a little too far. Blame it on the heat of the moment if you want, but it’s hard to recover from awkward “where did you learn that” or “why would you do that” bedroom moments. Of course, the best way to avoid such headaches is communication, but you’re never prepared for that moment until it arises. Again, it’s a matter of individual preference and it’s natural to test the sensual boundaries from time to time. So is it kinky or crossing the line? Take a look at what some of my bloggers had to say!

Spanking

I love it when my man grabs and smacks my booty. I like the feeling of being handled, especially when he’s getting it from the back and he’s got my hips clutched. Like the article said yesterday, I know he’s smacking it hard too but I can’t really feel it … it stings a little but it’s a good pain, I guess. I love getting tapped but I’m a hands only kind of girl. What I can’t get into is the whips and paddles … but I have been spanked with a hairbrush getting freaky in the bathroom! It was fun I didn’t mind it so much. Keisha, 26

I’m not getting spanked, I mean come on. But I’ll do it. Paddles and whips or whatever, not so much. Personally, I would feel slighted if a woman wanted me to use a paddle or whip on her because she’s then focused on a paddle and not me. Call me selfish but I want her to be focused on me, my hands or whatever else I decide smack that (booty) with. Marcus, 37

Bondage

I had this guy who was really into the ball gags and bondage roping. I thought that was something only white people do but he was really into it. It tripped me out because I wasn’t sure what to think about it. I said I wasn’t into it but he wanted me to tie him up, which was cool. But he really freaked me out when he wanted to be gagged with a ball that you strap to his mouth. And I thought I was freak! He freaked me under the table. That was just too much for me. Reese, 31

I’m going to tell you like this, I tried it once and that’s all I needed. Never again. I’ll cuff my lady and have my way with her because I like to be in control that way. Uh, but ropes and gag balls and masks are just too much. That’s not freaky that’s sick. I think when you get into that kind of thing it ruins the natural act of sex and intimacy. Cuffs and blindfolds, all day but I’m not with the heel that licking b.s. Bryan, 28

Choking

Now I was so against choking the man I’m seeing now put me onto it. He did it in a way that wasn’t too threatening. He’s an aggressive kind of man to begin with so when he did it the first time I was like ‘oh (snap). This is fun!’ I love it now and he chokes me all the time but not to a point where I can’t breathe. Like Mike Baisden says, ‘choke me ’till I’m woozy’ not ’till I pass out. Anita, 27

See I was into to the choking for a while until this one guy really scared me. And we were having pretty good sex up until that particular instance. We were into it and I said, you know, ‘choke me.’ Girl, his eyes lit up like it was Christmas and he choked me so hard and was saying, ‘take this (man part) like a (lady of the night)’ and ‘I knew you were a freak like me.’ But I was really turned off by this and never called him back. I know I asked for it, but I don’t want to be play raped either, you know? Michelle, 32

Dirty Talk

I’m okay with nasty talk. I like it when my boyfriend tells me to say his name or curses at me – I know it sounds crazy- but I love it when he curses and tell me what to do. It’s a mind game for me and I love to do what he tells me to do. Like when he says ‘put that (booty) up and (bang) this (man part’). That really turns me on. I love it! But no name calling! Ebony, 25

A woman can never say anything too freaky to me. Whatever she says, I like it! I don’t think women understand how nasty the mind of a man is. We love that super freaky (stuff) so please don’t be shy. You can moan it, scream it, shout it, whisper … I don’t care. Just make sure you put a ‘Daddy’ or ‘Papi’ at the end of that, and don’t forget to tell me who’s (lady part) it is. Is that too much to ask? I’ll do whatever your little freaky heart desires, it’s all about you baby. J.T., 32

Oral

Don’t gag me. I’m all for the hair pulling and deep throating and I’ll even let you finish. What I will not tolerate is you forcibly grabbing the back of my head and shoving your piece down my throat until I choke and gag. That is totally crossing the line and is completely disrespectful. Out of line. That’s just taking it too far and it’s a violation! Don’t like it. Reina, 28

Sweetheart, I am guilty of your complaint several times over. When you describe it that like, that’s pretty ruff. You don’t like that? That’s a part of the fun! To each her own, but open your mouth and say something! Okay, okay! I’m guilty of it. I hear you loud and clear. I’ll be better about that. Reina’s Boyfriend, 33

Weight in reader, let me know what you think. Are you kinky, freaky, prudish, sneaky freak or just plain ole boring?!?!?!
Oral Sex He'll Never Forget: 52 Positions and Techniques Guaranteed to Blow Your Man Away  Oral Sex She'll Never Forget: 50 Positions and Techniques That Will Make Her Orgasm Like She Never Has Before  Mastering Multiple Position Sex: Mind-Blowing Lovemaking Techniques That Create Unforgettable Orgasms   Amazing Deal! 2 Pleasuring Vibrating Condom Rings, Set of 2 Rings for Her Pleasure and Yours 

10 Reasons Why Black Women Should Date Outside Their Race

8 MM Men's Titanium ring wedding band with 9 large Channel Set CZ sizes 8 to 12 Intimacy Why Black Men Love White Women: Going Beyond Sexual Politics to the Heart of the Matter Black Women/White Men: The Sexual Exploitation of Female Slaves in the Danish West Indies Interracial Marriages Between Black Women and White Men






This topic seems like such a dead horse that keeps getting beaten, over and over again. But if you’re a woman, who happens to be African American, who also happens to be single, this is probably a scenario that crosses your mind more often as time progresses without a partner. Besides, black men date other races effortlessly so what’s the hold up for us sistas? Once you get past the not so chocolate brown skin and paler scrotums, men of other races are pretty much the same, right? Wrong. How often have you heard ” I’ve dated a (_____) guy, but I couldn’t sleep with him.” Every woman from Black, White, Asian, Latina to Middle Eastern love black men, but black women, however, tend to be exclusive to their own when it comes to dating. But is it in vain? Are the odds even in a black woman’s favor to acquire a black man or should they explore other options for a chance at relationship longevity? I  asked my fellow bloggers in a blogger forum and this is what they had to say:

1. I don’t think black women should date outside their race, and that goes for the men too! There just aren’t enough strong black families out there, man. It’s heartbreaking. We’re a dying race and I just don’t see why black men are so quick to cross over to other races when they haven’t even given sistas a chance. But I guess that’s why we should eventually get used to the idea of multi-racial families because there aren’t enough black men to go around. And that’s too bad, just a sad state of affairs, man. Nicole, 32, Finance

2. As a person whose dated a white man, I think we should start dating other men just to kind of see what’s out there. Otherwise, you’re limiting yourself and love could be staring you in the face, but he’s just not black. And I tell you what, all it takes is that one date and you’ll notice that they’re just as much a man as a black one. So it’s not the best thing to wait around for that “mandingo” ’cause pickings are slim. Alena, 26, Manager

3. I’m not sure that I can really encourage black women not to date a black man. I personally have an affinity for my own, but I can only speak for myself. I think that if it’s a situation where the chemistry is undeniable, then go for it. But I’m more of an advocate of black man, woman and child. But these days love is blind, so I guess to each his own. I’ll never hate on love. Keith, 31, Construction

4. Why continue to set yourself up for a down fall? In this day and age, a good man, let alone a good black man is a rarity. So with that in mind, you’d be ignorant to put yourself through the drama of dealing with ni**as if they keep f*cking up? Try something or someone new because I gotta be honest, while I pride myself on being a good black man, most of my ni**as are not, unfortunately. Jermaine, 23, Author



5. Black women should date other races because black men have a reputation of not having their sh*t together. White men, and others, take pride in being a provider to their wife and kids. Some black men are so sorry anymore, they can’t get it together because they don’t have to, some other woman will do it for him. Now don’t get me wrong, my dad is a black man and is still very in love with my mother, they’ve been together for 30+ years. But they don’t make them like that anymore, sadly. Mimi, 29, Designer

6. I date white men and first, the myth is NOT true. Second, they spoil me more than any black man has. Third, they’re more goal oriented. A white man has it all planned out, he wants to be married by 30, have kids at 32, move to another state in a few more years, put the kids through college and finally retire with his lovely wife and travel the world. So, in my opinion, it might be the look if you want a real relationship and marriage. Courtney, 27, Registered Nurse

7. Well, I don’t really condone the idea, but honestly most black dudes are in jail, gay or have a record. I think, mathematically, it’s impossible for all black women to get a black man because of the reasons I just listed. It’s a harsh reality really, but what can you do? I would encourage black women to keep their options open and find love, no matter what they look like. Mack, 33, Mechanic

8. Ni**as date all kinds of females and so should black women! If ni**as can have their “snow bunnies” then I should I get my “Peter Cotton Tail.” It’s only fair. Go on and get you a white girl and watch how she’ll look 65 at 40 with wrinkles and vericose veins. Black don’t crack. No, in all seriousness, I’ve been single for almost two years now and I’ve never dated anyone else. I haven’t gotten to the point where I’m ready to date outside my race. So I guess I’ll be the only one who holds out until I find a black man because I know he’s out there, but as usual, he’s late as hell. Brandy, 31, Merchandising






9. Black women deserve to be more than “baby mamas” and that’s all that they have been for a while. Like how many dudes you got a child with a black woman who is all kinds of “b*tches” and “hoes,” but turn around and wife up the exotic, half-bred broad. That’s why so many women are wanting a dude to “put a ring on it” because they’re so desperate for commitment. Chicks aren’t getting any younger and don’t want to waste time in meaningless relationships, so by all means find your guy but he might not be what you’ve pictured since your childhood. Marcus, 30, Accountant

10. I say, why not? A man is a man, and we have to get over the color issue. I know it’s hard but seriously, why can’t you love someone other than a black man? It’s 2009 and race purity is so antiquated. I think black women have to stop being too picky and try. Try to date the white guy at your job who thinks you’re cute and wants to take you out, go for it! He may end up being your dream guy! Date who you want and be happy. Geeze. Zaria, 21, Med Student

What do you think my fellow bloggers? Weight in!!!